Six Days the Animorphs Were Idiots
The Day Rachel Went to Therapy: Part Four
Visser One did not scream. She liked to think that she was more dignified than that. Even while she was sitting on top of the table with a bread basket in her lap, watching Visser Three flail about.
All the other humans had fled. In retrospect, maybe she should have run away as well, instead of staying to take pictures.
“If this is an assassination attempt, you are doing a very poor job of it,” she said.
<I SWEAR IT’S NOT I AM SO SORRY!>
<This is stupid. Let’s just call a taxi,> suggested Eva. <There’s still time to go see a movie. Without the idiot.>
“I’m going to call a taxi,” Visser One threatened.
Visser Three seemed to calm down. After a moment, he resumed his Andalite shape. He lay on the ground among scattered menus and dishes and glasses and cutlery and did not move. He seemed to have resigned himself to whatever was happening.
“Are you done?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. “Would you mind telling me what this is all about?”
<Allergy,> he said.
“I’m leaving,” said Visser One. She slid off the tabletop and took a few steps towards the exit. Then she stopped, because a gorilla, a wolf, a tiger, and an Andalite were blocking the exit.
Visser One looked at the Andalite bandits. The Andalite bandits looked at Visser One.
“I changed my mind,” she declared, and went back to the table. Then sat down in her chair and reached for her wine glass because she figured she might as well be happy before she was mauled to death. It was nice wine, nicer than her host was used to. After absolutely no deliberation, she poured the rest of the bottle into her glass.
The Andalites seemed to be having a private thought-speak conversation. Visser Three was trying to stand up, but there was a rather ugly-looking welt growing on the back of his neck, getting larger every moment. She looked back at the Andalites, who were still gesticulating wildly, clearly at some sort of impasse.
Eva pointed out a forgotten bottle of wine over at the adjacent table. Visser One leaned over as far as she could without falling out of her chair and snatched it.
<I can’t believe you didn’t bring a weapon,> said Eva.
“I didn’t think he’d try anything in public,” said Visser One, flicking the cork off the tabletop. They watched it bounce across the carpet. “And I certainly didn’t think the Andalites would show up.”
The lump on Visser Three’s back was growing larger, and taking on an unnatural bright red color.
<Is that normal?> asked Eva.
“No, I don’t think so,” said Visser One.
The gorilla moved away from the other arguing Andalites and picked up a long jacket from the back of a chair, left behind when its owner fled in a panic. Then he went over to Visser One and draped it over her shoulders. Visser One looked up at him.
“Prudish Andalites,” she muttered, but she put the jacket on. She wouldn’t admit it, but she was sort of cold.
The thing on the back of Visser Three’s neck was now large enough that he could not stand up, not that he’d been trying anymore.
“Do you have some sort of disgusting Andalite disease?” she asked. “If it’s contagious, I’ll kill you. Serves you right for having such a stupid host.” She finished her glass. On the bright side, she was beginning to see the humor in the situation.
<NORMAL? WHAT DO YOU MEAN NORMAL?> Visser Three roared, having a conversation with someone only he could hear. <THERE WAS NOTHING IN YOUR MEMORIES ABOUT…oh.>
“A disgrace to the empire,” said Visser One, and covered her mouth to keep from laughing.
“I can’t believe you don’t even have a cell phone,” said Eva, regaining control of her mouth. Luckily, she was just as intoxicated as Visser One, and so they just continued to sit there giggling. “That’s what’s disgraceful.”
“Have a cell phone,” Visser One murmured. “It doesn’t work if you’re not on Leera. Only takes pictures.”
“Can we agree no more dates after this?”
“You’re probably right,” said Visser One, slumping forward and catching her chin in her hand.
Something was beginning to emerge from Visser Three’s growth. It looked sort of fuzzy. It looked sort of like a fox.
“Wow, we are really drunk,” said Eva.
Visser One just giggled into her hand some more. “This proves I should get the Blade ship. I’ve been saying for ages—”
The little creature was now completely separate from Visser Three’s body. It wandered around the room and sniffed at a fallen plate.
“The miracle of childbirth,” Visser One announced to nobody.
“Kitty,” commented Eva, and then passed out. Visser One nearly fell over—apparently Eva had been supporting about half her muscles—but managed to catch herself in time.
Visser One stood up. The room spun. She pressed her knees together to keep her balance and went staggering over to the little animal.
“What is this creature?” she asked, reaching out to touch the brightly-colored fur with one hand. “I’ve never seen—”
<Wait, no—> said Visser Three.
The grass hunter plunged its fangs into Visser One’s arm.
This time, she did scream.
* * *
<So now what?> asked Cassie.
<I uh. I have no idea,> said Jake. <Ax? What is that thing?>
<I do not know, Prince Jake. I am not familiar with every creature in the galaxy, as I have told you many, many times. However, I have reason to believe it is poisonous.>
<Thanks, Ax, I couldn’t have figured that out from the way her arm is turning green.>
<I do not appreciate your tone.>
<Okay, I’m sorry. I’m just really confused. It’s been a weird week.>
<Visser Three appears to be distracted,> said Ax, indicating the Andalite who was now trying to make Visser One stand up, but did not have the upper body strength for it. <Now would be the best time to avenge Elfangor.>
<Ax, if you don’t let him get her to a medic, I will kill you. I will literally kill you and use your tail-blade as a letter opener,> said Marco.
Ax hesitated. He looked at Jake for help.
<He probably will,> said Jake. <Sorry man. That’s just how it is. Let’s go home.>
Slowly, one by one, the four Animorphs turned around and walked out the front door of the restaurant, leaving it to the Yeerks.
<We’re not very good at this, are we?> asked Cassie.
<We suck,> said Jake.
end of day three
Next Week: The Day Tobias Had a Date
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