Saturday, January 7, 2012

Megamorphs 2: In the Time of Dinosaurs

There were at least seven different covers released in the US alone.
The Summary
While trying to save a nuclear submarine for no real reason, the Animorphs are sent back 65 million years via a Sario Rip. They are chased around by dinosaurs for a while before learning that earth is currently inhabited by two warring species of aliens, the Nesk and the Mercora. The Nesk are jerks made out of ants. The Mercora are nice crab-people who invented broccoli.

The Animorphs break into the Nesk camp and steal some nuclear weapons, hoping to recreate the Sario Rip and get sent back to their own time. The Nesk don't know what to make of the Mercora's new allies, and flee the planet. But they divert a nearby comet into Earth as revenge.

The Mercora ask to use the stolen nuke to destroy the incoming comet. Ax and Tobias hand it over, and then tell the others they need to run away. Ax fixed the nuke so it wouldn't work because Tobias realized that this comet is the one that killed the dinosaurs and made humanity possible. Everyone flees into the ocean and the comet hits, undoing the Sario Rip and sending the Animorphs home.

The Review
Ifi: This book.
Adam: *U*
Ifi: Kicks logic and reason in the teeth
Adam: Hell yes
Adam: Also, I had no idea that you were familiar with gurren lagann
Ifi: I...am not
Ifi: I thought I was being original :(
Adam: That's where the quote "Kick logic and reason to the curb" is from.
Ifi: I never heard that one
Adam: It is a good show

Adam: This book is utterly wonderful
Adam: and I love it with every fiber of my being.
Adam: But
Adam: The cover is the most disappointing thing I have ever seen.
Ifi: "herpaderp mommy let me burn a copy of photoshop onto my laptop!!!!!" --the cover artist
Adam: Seriously.
Ifi: Actually, what color is your cover? As the interwebs seems to feel it is everything from red to gold to violet
Adam: It was apparently published in a bunch of different color schemes
Ifi: Ahhh
Adam: this is the one I have:


Ifi: I mean they are all the same just with a different filter over them
Adam: The inside cover is just as disappointing.
Ifi: Half morphed everyone + t-rex?
Adam: Nope
Adam: I would have liked that.
Adam: Each version just had a different version of a character halfway morphed

http://www.hiracdelest.com/missions/books/mm2.htm
Ifi: Oh for the love of god
Ifi: Why
Adam: I don't even know, man.
Adam: C'mon, you have a book about traveling back to the time of the dinosaurs!
Adam: Give us some dinosaurs!
 Ifi: So what is the image with the giant t-rex face from? Or was that a foreign cover?
Adam: Ah, that was a promotional poster that Mattingly did a bit later.
Ifi: Ohh
Adam: It has its own issues.



Ifi: No I mean this:


Adam: That is the first I have seen that.
Ifi: It comes up a bunch of times when you search the title, think it might have been a foreign release but idk
Adam: If it were a foreign release, it would have had the book's title on it
Ifi: Then it is a mystery. If anyone knows, tell us in the comments.

Ifi: We begin with a random thunderstorm and a random submarine that the Animorphs decide to rescue because apparently they've forgotten that this is meant to be a book about aliens.
Adam: Well, one plus about this book is that they do not dwell in the fake plot.
Adam: However stupid said setup may be.
Ifi: KA just wanted to write about dinosaurs today, damn it
Adam: I am okay with this.
Adam: Let's just get this nuclear sub nonsense over with.

A nuclear sub was reported to have developed reactor problems. It was feared sunk. Rescue ships and divers were on the scene, but the storm was making it hard for them. They couldn't find the sub, which could be dousing everyone on board with radiation.
"Oh, man," I groaned.

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of Dinosaurs

Ifi: Marco grudgingly makes everyone go save the sub
Adam: And now everyone has cancer
Ifi: And superpowers!
Adam: Cancer superpowers!
Adam: Well, at least this is an improvement over morphing into parrots and insulting people
Ifi: When is everyone going to let that go?
Adam: Never
Adam: So, they morph dolphins and lead the rescue workers to the submarine.
Adam: Which promptly explodes
Ifi: Wiping out all life on the west coast
Adam: Wow, I was not expecting them to kill off the character in a one-off book.
Adam: Totally caught me off guard
Ifi: Yeah really what sort of author kills of the entire main cast in one book, breaking the hearts of millions of children?
Adam: Lemony Snicket?
Ifi: Did that really just go right over your head.
Adam: Yes

Ifi: We wake up and the water is calm and it is nice and sunny

We nudged each of the others. Ax and Jake revived. Cassie revived, too. But she woke up screaming in pain.
<Ahhh! Ahhh!>
That's when we noticed the blood leaking from her eyes and blowhole.
<Oh, oh, it hurts!>
<Demorph!> Jake yelled.
<Trying…trying…oh, oh!>
Gradually the gray rubbery flesh melted away and a human girl emerged. As she demorphed, the dolphin's pain was left behind. I nuzzled in close, giving her a dorsal fin to hang onto.
[...]
"You're sure this is reality?" Cassie asked before I could make a crushing remark to Marco about the total impossibility of Carmen Electra ever even looking at him.
<Cassie, it's not a dream,> Jake said.
"Okay. Then why is there a volcano over there?"

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of Dinosaurs

Ifi: DUN DUN DUN
Adam: Yes! Because in prehistoric times, there were volcanoes absolutely everywhere.
Adam: I'm sorry, spoilers
Ifi: Well you can't have a dinosaur book without volcanoes obviously
Adam: This is the sort of book where you get the impression that Applegate watched Jurassic Park, and that was all the research she did.
Ifi: Hey after I saw Jurassic Park I actually thought I might become a scientist
Ifi: For like two weeks!
Adam: Follow that dream, Ifi.
Ifi: Well eventually I remembered I do not know how to science.
Ifi: at all.
Adam: Follow that dream right into the sun

Ifi: The Animorphs figure the nuclear explosion must have blasted them all the way to India or something.
Adam: Because that's how physics work.
Adam: Except that Ax spots some not-whales off in the distance.

<Not whales,> Ax said.
<Who cares? Maybe you missed it, Ax, but we have a volcanoa volcano!right about where all our houses should be! Let's get going. Cassie, you need to>
"Uh...what is that?" Cassie asked. She was staring hard, but she started to morph back into dolphin.
<What?>
"That!"
I turned to follow the direction of her stare. We all turned.
It rose ten feet from the water. A very long neck. Like a gray-green giraffe. On the end of that neck was a sculpted, streamlined head about two feet long. And coming up, right behind it, was another tall neck and head.
<No way,> Tobias whispered.
<What is that, the Loch Ness monster?!> Marco cried.
<It's Visser Three in morph!> I said. <No, wait, can't be. There are two of them.>
<No way!> Tobias said again.
<They're coming after us!> Cassie said.
<As I said,> Ax said smugly, <not whales.>

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of Dinosaurs

Ifi: Yeah guys sorry it's not Visser Three, he won't be appearing in this book.
Adam: I can just picture Ax grinning smugly and twirling his mustache.
Ifi: Nobody ever gives Ax enough credit.
Adam: Verily.
Adam: So, a pair of elasmosaurs pop out of the water to say hi.
Ifi: HI
Adam: And thus begins a heartwarming coming of age story.


Ifi: Except the Animorphs are like "huh this is a weird snake thing that is eating us"

<Fight!> Rachel said. <They're just some kind of big squid or something probably. Let's get them!>

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of the Dinosaurs
A squid.
Adam: Well, I guess they assumed it was an alien or something.
Adam: Except for Tobias, who is the only intelligent one in this book.
Ifi: But he is too embarrassed to tell.
Adam: Oh pshah
Adam: Tobias, embrace it, it is part of who you are.
Adam: Oh, and then because he would be useful in this scenario, he gets eaten
Ifi: Also Rachel
Adam: Yes.
Adam: By a Kronosaur
Adam: I have no idea why a creature this large would be so close to land
Adam: It would probably have beached itself already.

Pony!
Ifi: The other Animorphs are like "lol bye"
Ifi: and leave their friends to their death
Adam: Yeah, they are…surprisingly quick to move on.
Adam: I mean, they are melancholy about it.
Adam: But they don't really do anything to stop it
Ifi: Cassie does have to be dragged away, but the other two are pretty firm.
Ifi: "No, Cassie, we need to leave them to their character development."
Adam: I think they are worried that Rachel will kill them all in their sleep one day, and are just happy to have an excuse to be rid of her.
Ifi: A legitimate fear

Adam: So, while Rachel and Tobias are abandoned inside of a giant marine reptile's gizzard, the rest go off exploring.
Adam: And then....

"I am still unfamiliar with some Earth creatures," Ax said. "Cuh-ree-chers. Tell me, what sort of creature can do that?"
"Probably a tornado or something," I said vaguely. "I've seen things like that on TV when there's been a tornado."
"Ah," Ax said. "Does a tornado have feet?"
I almost smiled. "No. A tornado is a wind storm."
"I see. Then this was not caused by a tornado. Whatever did this has feet."
"How do you know?" Cassie asked.
"Because Prince Jake is standing in one of the footprints."
I looked down. It could have been the footprint of an elephant. Except that the toes were more like claws.
Plus, the print sank at least six inches into the sand.
And oh, yes: It was about four feet across

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of Dinosaurs

Ifi: Cassie babbles about giraffes, as everyone is still in complete denial of where they are.

I pushed aside a fern frond. And there it was. It was perhaps twenty feet long from head to tail. It stood on four elephantlike legs. It had a long neck that made up a third of its length and was balanced by the long tail of equal length. Along its back were bumpy, bony things, like armor plating that only covered that one area.
For about two minutes I don't think one of us drew a breath. We just stared.
"I think it's a baby," I said.
"A baby?" Marco said. "Cassie, it's a dinosaur."

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of Dinosaurs

Ifi: WELCOME TO JURASSIC PARK BITCHES


Adam: OPEN THE DOOR
Adam: GET ON THE FLOOR
Adam: EVERYBODY WALK THE DINOSAUR

Ifi: Also, "they're flocking this way" is relevant in like 50% of the upcoming situations
Adam: I'm telling you. Applegate happened to see this movie and thought "I should write a book about this!" not realizing that it was already an adaptation of one.
Ifi: I mean there was a huge dinosaur craze in the early/mid 90's
Adam: Oh, I am well aware of it.
Adam: I still have my copy of the Macmillan Illustrated Encyclopedia of Dinosaurs and Prehistoric Animals in my bookshelf.


Ifi: Very pretty
Adam: Oh yes.

Ifi: Then Rachel punches her way out of the thing that is eating her and Tobias
Adam: I swear, this exact thing happened in a D&D campaign once...

High above me the huge bear head looked down at me. <Why don't you morph to human, then morph back to your bird body? The new hawk body will be constructed from the DNA and should be fine. Just like what happens when we injure a morphed body.>
<Okay.>
It felt weird going human. I'd only done it a few times since the Ellimist had given me back my morphing power. Now I felt my feathers itching as they melted into flesh. My sight grew dim, my hearing became muddy. I rose up, tall, large, clunky, awkward…human.
"At least the pain is gone now," I said. "Now to get feathery again."
A few minutes later, I was my normalokay, my abnormalself.
Unfortunately…
<Aaaaahh! Oww! It just hurts worse!>
<This makes no sense!> Rachel said, sounding outraged.

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of Dinosaurs

Ifi: This is never explained and apparently done for the sole purpose of getting Rachel to rip up her clothes to make a sling.
Adam: Isn't she a bit young for fanservice?

<No. I need to heal. That will take time. I have to stay in my own body for it to heal. But first I need you to set my broken wing.>
<What? I'm not Cassie!>
<You've seen her do it. So have I.>
<Oh, man,> Rachel moaned. <What am I going to use for bandages?>
<Part of your morphing outfit. That and some twigs.>

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of Dinosaurs

Ifi: Okay I'm calling Tobias out here
Ifi: He's not hurt at all.
Ifi: There I said it.
Adam: I thought that the reason that they did it was because Tobias is the only one who knows what he's doing in this book, and he would just solve everything for everyone.
Adam: It's always about sex with you, isn't it?
Adam: Get your mind out of the gutter
Ifi: "HEY I CAN'T FLY BETTER RIP ALL YOUR CLOTHES OFF. NO REALLY. FOR...SCIENCE."
Adam: Darn, I stubbed my toe.
Adam: Well, better get naked.
Ifi: Really, the "oh my injuries aren't healed by morphing!" thing makes absolutely no sense
Ifi: Even if it was just to get Tobias out of the action
Adam: And they don't even bother with some technobabble to explain it, either
Ifi: They don't explain it at all!
Ifi: Easily the most useful aspect of morphing, and the fact that Tobias has lost it bothers nobody.

Rachel glared at me. "I've known you a long time, Tobias. I don't remember you ever talking about dinosaurs."
<I was so into dinosaurs when I was little,> I said. <I was staying with my uncle at that point. He liked to drink. He'd sit in his La-Z-Boy and start yelling at the TV and cursing, and then yelling at me if I made any noise. I used to go into my room and sit there, playing dinosaur.>

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of the Dinosaurs

Ifi: :(
Adam: Aw Tobias
Adam: You are not alone, man
Adam: In elementary school I got kicked out of class for trying to explain to the teacher that "bipedal=carnivore, quadripedal=herbivore" was not a hard and fast rule
Ifi: She kicked you out for that?
Ifi: Worst teacher ever.
Adam: Well, I would continuously argue it, and she wouldn't listen.
Adam: I was one of those kids.
Ifi: One of THOSE kids
Adam: Yes

<Afraid so. If I'm right and we are in the Cretaceous Period, well then, this is the age of the most relentless, powerful, dangerous, ruthless predator in all of history. This is the age of Tyrannosaurus Rex.>

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of Dinosaurs

Ifi: Hooray!
Ifi: Acquire that shit!
Adam: Because seriously.
Adam: Who would ever want to go to a time were Megalosaurus was the dominant predator.
Ifi: Boo
Ifi: T-rex or nothing.
Adam: So cliched
Ifi: Oh please admit it you peed yourself when it showed up in this book
Adam: I mean, I love giant toothy things as much as the next guy.
Adam: But when is the last time you read a story where people got attacked by a Cryolophosaurus?


Adam: It has a pompadour!
Ifi: It looks a little derp.
Ifi: Besides, think about it. The editors were probably like "It's 1995, we can't release a dinosaur book without a t-rex in it, there would be rioting."
Adam: Not if I have my way...
Ifi: "RIOTING."
Adam: *evil laughter*
Ifi: I had the same issue with this book as I did the first megamorphs. The narration is random and things happen so fast that it's hard to keep track of events
Ifi: The majority of the book is just running around with no goal whatsoever.
Adam: I completely agree.
Adam: But there are dinosaurs
Adam: So I am kept entertained nonetheless

Ifi: I also want to discuss Sario rips, as there isn't much plot to comment on
Ifi: Sario rips seem to be very very common occurrences.
Ifi: I mean does one happen every time something asplodes?
Adam: Seemingly.
Adam: The guys near Chernobyl were actually responsible for creating the Easter Island heads.
Ifi: The entire population of Hiroshima is wandering around lost ten thousand years in the future.
Adam: I would watch a movie about either of these.
Adam: Well. Because the editors would have a field day otherwise, they spontaneously get attacked by a Tyrannosaurus.

The Tyrannosaurus roared in triumph. It towered above me, huge, irresistible. Pure destruction. Why had it chased me? I wondered. Why? I was too small, wasn't I? But of course. I'd been in predator morph before. I knew why. Because killing was what it did. Killing was what it was. It had gone beyond food or hunger now. It simply wanted to do what it did best.
I flapped weakly, too dazed to move.
Down came the head. Down from so far above. Down it came.
A swift movement to my right. What was it?
Fwapp! Fwapp! Fwapp!
An Andalite tail, too fast to be seen, struck three times.
The dinosaur swung its head hard. Ax went flying and rolled twice as he hit the ground.
The T-rex sagged. Tried to roar. And fell.

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of Dinosaurs

Adam: I love this book.
Adam: I want to marry it
Adam: And have literature babies.


Ifi: Ax kills a T-rex because sure, why not?
Adam: Well, he admits later that it was pretty much a fluke

"Nice work, Ax," Prince Jake said. He slapped his hand on my shoulder. It is a thing humans do to indicate friendship or congratulations. Sometimes they do it to kill small insects called mosquitoes.
<I was toast,> Marco said, still more osprey than human. <You saved my life, man.>
<I was fortunate,> I said.
"I can't believe you took that monster down," Prince Jake said.
<Prince Jake, please don't think I can fight and defeat these creatures. This animal was busy chasing Marco. It was distracted. It is not accustomed to being attacked.>
"You're just being modest," Cassie said.
<No!> I said, more sharply than I'd intended. <Listen to me: I know my capabilities. In face-to-face, one-on-one combat, that creature would have destroyed me. One-against-one I will lose ninety percent of the time.>
"Oh," Prince Jake said.

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of Dinosaurs

Ifi: Jeez just take the compliment dude.
Adam: Well, he doesn't want Jake sending him after every large toothy thing they cross paths with
Ifi: whateva

"We have food and shoes right here," Cassie said. She was looking at the dead Tyrannosaurus. "Ax has his tail. We can use the hide to make sandals. Skin from the lower leg there looks pretty tough and thick. We cut out some skin, remove the meat and eat it. Then we use ligaments and tendons to lace up the sandals."

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of Dinosaurs

Ifi: Cassie is having too much fun
Ifi: To be honest, this book didn't really hold my interest. I know that is blasphemy but there seriously was no plot, just dinosaurs.
Adam: I think it works better if you view this book more as literary sightseeing.
Adam: You read it and go "Oh! Look at that thing!" more then to find out what is next.
Ifi: Are you saying this book is one big gimmick?
Adam: Yes, exactly.
Ifi: The author does put Rachel and Tobias together alone for a very long stretch of time so Rachel can be insane and Tobias can admire her
Adam: Tobias sits on her shoulder the whole time, and digs his talons into her flesh.
Adam: Ew.
Ifi: Romance I guess
Adam: Oh, and then they get attacked by deinonychuses
Ifi: THEY'RE FLOCKING THIS WAY


Adam: This being the book that it is, they are of course the Jurassic Park style featherless maniraptorans with the kangaroo hands.
Ifi: also


Adam: Remember kids
Adam: This:


Adam: Not this:

Ifi: Pretty birdie!
Adam: Close enough.

Ifi: Also apparently dinosaur morphs are impossible to control.
Ifi: Like seriously. Just forget about it.
Ifi: Can't be done.
Adam: Rachel had the same problem when she first went bear.
Ifi: Tobias almost eats Rachel while trying to save her.
Adam: Oops
Ifi: Also comet

"Cassie, you and Ax can—" I stopped. I had looked up at the sky. "What is that?"
"It's a comet," Cassie said. "Isn't it absolutely beautiful?"
"Yeah. Looks awfully close." I gazed up at the sweep of bright dust trailing from the brilliant head.
<It is. In the last three hours it has grown noticeably larger.> I glanced over at Ax. He was outlined against the stars, a dark shadow with stalk eyes turning restlessly.
"It's not going to hit us or anything, is it?" I laughed when I said it.
<I don't think so. First of all, the odds against any particular comet hitting a particular planet are very large. Millions to one at the very least. Especially since Earth is not large enough to exert much of a gravitational pull. Besides, the comet is now so close and moving so quickly, I have been able to keep track of a rough trajectory. It will be very close. No more than one or two diameters of Earth, perhaps. But I believe it will miss.>

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of Dinosaurs

Ifi: Gee
Ifi: I wonder
Ifi: If that is going to be important
Ifi: We are in the last age of the dinosaurs
Ifi: and there is a comet
Ifi: huh
Ifi: I wonder
Ifi: if that is significant
Adam: Nah.
Adam: Who cares?
Adam: It's just some floating space snowball.
Adam: Certainly has no bearing on us.
Ifi: Pretty lights!
Adam: Further proof that Tobias is the only one who ever paid attention in elementary school.

<The comet bothered you? But not the flash of light?>
"Lightning. So what?"
<No, no. Not lightning. I assumed you knew. It was artificial in origin, not natural.>
It took me about five more steps before I said, "What?" I stopped. Jake stopped. Cassie stopped.
"Artificial?" Jake asked. "What do you mean, artificial? Doesn't that mean man-made? Or at least, made?"
<Yes, of course. The flash was not a naturally occurring phenomenon. It was all wrong for lightning. My stalk eyes are capable of seeing a little further into the ultraviolet and infrared spectra of light and—>
"Just tell us what it was!" Cassie yelled impatiently. That shocked us all. Cassie never yells. But then again, maybe she's just not a morning person.
<I believe it was an explosion. I would have thought it was a Dracon beam striking a target, only it was too blue.>
Jake took a deep breath. "Ax? Do me a favor. Don't assume we know these things, okay?"

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of Dinosaurs

Ifi: Derp.
Adam: It's a Sleestak!
Adam: So, it turns out there are also aliens in this book.
Adam: Ant aliens
Adam: As opposed to Aunt aliens.
Ifi: Horrible horrible ant aliens.
Adam: Y'know, the Nesk must be the worst possible morph in the universe.

It walked on two legs. It was rough-textured, like it had really chapped skin. It was reddish in color. It had two big eyes and a small mouth, all of the same reddish-rust hue. It stood about eight feet tall. It was carrying a weapon.
[...]
The creature gazed curiously at us with what seemed to be eyes, although they were mere indentations in its face. From its head a pair of antennae, flexible as whips, grew and began waving toward us. Satisfied after a few seconds of this, the antennae were retracted.
[…]
"You speak now without making sound. Explain."
<Why don't you explain?> I said. <Who are you? What are you doing here? And how do you speak our language?>
"We hear while you are talking. Listening long time. Since night."
[…]
My tail hit hard. It slammed into the Nesk at his chest level. My tail broke him in two. The top half simply fell off. Like I'd chopped through a tree.
<Oh, my God!> I cried, horrified. I'd only intended to knock him down. But then my horror changed tone. The severed lower body seemed to be dissolving. Breaking into thousands and tens of thousands of tiny squirming pieces!
And the fallen upper body was still holding the weapon. Raising it toward me again!
No time for pity. I lunged, mouth wide-open. I bit down on that raised hand. It dissolved. Crumbled. I felt a squirming in my mouth. Then stinging, burning. I spit out the gun. It hit the dirt. And a wave made up of the Nesk's body parts raced to reach it.
My mouth was still alive with stinging and burning. The tiny reddish body parts began to crawl out of my jaw, up onto my muzzle. Up where my eyes could see them clearly.
Then I remembered that smell. The acrid smell of a tunnel, the stink of deadly automatons racing to tear me apart.
Ants!
The Nesk was made up of millions and millions of ants.

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of Dinosaurs

Ifi: That
Ifi: does
Ifi: not
Ifi: sense
Adam: So, the implication here is that earth ants are actually the decedents of sapient aliens.
Adam: Um, so
Adam: Where did bees and wasps and other insects tangentially related to ants come from?
Adam: Did the Nesk have some cousins that decided to come by on vacation, or something?
Ifi: I just assumed they were made of something that just happened to resemble what ants would become or something
Ifi: Though Rachel said they smelled the same so
Ifi: No idea
Adam: Well, they both have formic acid, which has a pretty distinctive smell.
Ifi: My issue was: <And how do you speak our language?> "We hear while you are talking. Listening long time. Since night."
Ifi: "How can you speak my language, alien creature?" "Oh I was listening to you last night. Had to be, what, twelve hours?"
Adam: "Okay, we admit it, we've been checking your facebook posts."

Ifi: So the Nesk are gigantic dicks but there is also another species of alien here
Ifi: And they're pretty cool
Ifi: Though honestly I'd rather live on Mars than have to worry about being eaten by T-rexs all day
Adam: Well, they have force fields.
Ifi: They are called the Mercora
Ifi: They invented broccoli
Ifi: Because this is one of those books
Adam: Again, so where did cauliflower come from?
Adam: But anyway, as they all meet the Mercora, they manage to get reunited with Tobias and Rachel, who had previously been attacked by a Spinosaurus
Ifi: The Mercora are pretty chill, they fix Tobias' plot-device wing
Adam: And so now everybody has a bunch of asymmetrical crab-butlers.

"I get the idea you and the Nesk don't get along."
<They are attempting to destroy us. They want this planet for themselves. We do not wish to leave. This is our world now. Our original planet was destroyed when our sun was drawn toward a black hole. We are all that is left of the Mercora. And we cannot leave this planet. Not that we would ever wish to. It is wonderful. Wonderful. And it will be our home forever.>
A second Mercora spoke up. <What planet in the future are you from, you humans and Andalites?>
Cassie started to answer. "Actually, we're from Earth. Which is our name for—"
Suddenly she fell silent and looked shocked. Tobias was staring intensely at her. And then he spoke to me in the personal, private thoughtspeak whisper he'd used to silence Cassie. A whisper the Mercora could not hear.
<No one tell them we're from this planet,> Tobias said. <Hear me? No one tells them this is our planet.>
For a moment I was surprised. Slowly, understanding dawned on me. The Mercora were wrong: They were not going to be a part of Earth's future. They were destined either to leave…or to be destroyed.

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of Dinosaurs

Adam: That
Adam: Was perhaps a bit cold.
Ifi: "Guys. Guys. I'm really sorry to tell you this but you need to get off this planet for a while. But don't worry there's another one that's pretty okay not far from here. You seem really nice so we're warning you so you don't get wiped out."
Ifi: There now, would that have been so hard?
Adam: "Oh, also, in a couple million years, the planet is going to get invaded by mind controlling parasites. Just remember to warn everyone."
Ifi: "Also there are going to be dog-robots, they are super chill, you're gonna love them."
Ifi: "They will do all your heavy lifting."
Adam: I could honestly imagine that the Mercora and the Chee would become best buds
Ifi: You know for a lousy muddy planet out in the corner of nowhere, Earth gets a lot of traffic
Adam: In scifi land, it is in the middle of the universe.
Ifi: In reality it's far, far, far off to one side
Adam: Yes, but we need to inflate our egos a bit


Ifi: So the Mercora don't have nukes, but the Nesk do. Ax says we need one to recreate the Sario rift and blah blah blah we remember all this from The Forgotten.
Adam: Of course, Ax really doesn't have any idea how to recreate the Sario rift
Adam: But whatevs yo
Ifi: Ax repeatedly warns everyone he doesn't know what to do or how to do it, but nobody really cares, they need to feel like they're doing something.
Adam: Well, no one wants the series to end with "And then everyone went to the Mesozoic Era and ate broccoli for the rest of their lives. The End."
Ifi: So I guess we are attacking the Nesk side of the island.

"Look, we can't go messing with the future," Cassie said. "It's too complicated. Too many consequences."
<Too late,> Tobias said, speaking up for the first time. <We have Homo sapiens alive here in this timeline. Not to mention me. Whatever I am. See this rat I just ate? That could have been the rat that will pass on the genetic material that someday grows a smarter rat. And fifty million years from now, maybe that's the DNA, the stuff that's needed to push the earliest primate over the top. I may have wiped out the human race.>
He looked down at the fur and bones. <And it wasn't even a very good rat. Too thin and stringy.>
One by one, we all looked at Jake.
"Oh, puh-leeze! I'm supposed to decide things that may wipe out the human race?"
"You're Batman," I said. "I'm just Robin. The boy wonder," I added with a leer at Rachel.
Jake shrugged. "What are we supposed to do? Sit here and grow old, eating broccoli with the crab people? Never even try to go home?"
<There is one other consideration,> Ax said. <We are here. Which means we were here, sixty-five million years in Earth's past. In other words, maybe our presence here is vital to the future. Maybe we did something that caused the future to happen the way it happened.>

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of Dinosaurs

Ifi: I hate time travel.
Adam: As do we all
Ifi: So everyone morphs T-rexes and proceeds to lose their minds.
Adam: I feel like this is their thought process here

<Jake! Ax! Marco, you idiot! You guys are caught up in the morph! That's us you're chasing.>
Noises in my head. Meaningless. Running now, the chase was on! But the others like me were still there. Running, too. Trying to steal my prey!
<You guys are grinding my nerves! You're hunting us.>
<Rachel, we can't outrun them! But we can out-turn them, I bet.>
<Oh, this is so not fun! I'm gonna end up being breakfast for Marco. Talk about humiliation. When I say "now!" we double back on them!>
<Yeah.>
More sounds in my head. Strange. Disturbing.
<Now!>
The two swift, small creatures suddenly stopped and ran straight for me. In a flash, they were past. I stopped. I blinked. I was confused. But then I smelled new prey. More this time! Close by. The wind was in my face. I knew this was a good thing. When the wind was in my face, the prey did not flee as quickly.
I quickly forgot the two small creatures and advanced toward the herd I smelled up ahead in the darkness.
<I have never seen a morph take over this totally.>
<I know. I'm starting to worry.>
<Jake! It's me, Rachel. Snap out of it. Cassie, buddy. It's me, Rachel. You're being controlled by the morph.>
The prey was close now. Yes, I could smell them. I glanced at the others like myself. Marching beside me through the darkness. Many prey this time. Enough for all.

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of Dinosaurs

Ifi: aaaand Cassie is GONE
Adam: There are some sort of psychological implications here
Ifi: Totally.

Cassie stood roaring over the fallen Triceratops. She was the only one still caught up in the Tyrannosaurus's mind. It scared me. It scared me for her. She hadn't wanted to do this morph. And now it had seized control of her. Gentle Cassie was trapped in the mind of a killer. She swung her head around and glared at me, eyes mad with rage.
<What do we do?> Rachel demanded.
She was scared, too. It scared me all over again, knowing that Rachel was scared. Rachel doesn't scare easily.
<Cassie!> Marco yelled. <Snap out of it!>
Cassie hunched over the Triceratops and began chowing down. It was an unbelievably gross scene. The sun was just coming up, and there in the pink glow, a creature as tall as a tree was devouring a creature the size of an elephant.
I took a step forward on my massive clawed feet.
Cassie spun her head around and bellowed a threat: <Stay away. It's mine!>

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of Dinosaurs

Ifi: Fortunately, Jake saves her crazy ass with the power of love.
Adam: Oh, she is totally in control the whole time.
Adam: She just wanted have an excuse to run around and bite things for once.
Ifi: I don't judge
Adam: I do

And then, slowly, slowly, as my own flesh emerged, as my hands grew human fingers, as my face flattened and hair grew and toes replaced claws, she blinked.
<Oh, my God. What have I done?> she asked. She backed away from the Triceratops.
"It's okay, Cassie," I said. "It was just a dinosaur." It was all I could think of to say. I knew it wouldn't help. You can't say "just" an animal to Cassie.
<You got caught up in the morph,> Rachel said. <It happens. All four of you did it.>
<Oh my God!> Cassie cried in horror.
<Cassie, look, it's not your fault,> Rachel said. <It was the Tyrannosaurus. It was just being itself, you know?>
<I told you guys I didn't want to do this morph!> Cassie yelled. She began demorphing. But at the same time, I was returning to the Tyrannosaurus morph.
"Cassie, you have to stay in morph," I said. "We have a mission."
<No! I don't have to be this…this…killer!>
<Yes, you do, because we need to go kick some butt on these space ants, all right?> Marco said.
<Cassie, come on,> Rachel said. <We need you.>
<I destroyed a living creature. A fantastic living creature,> Cassie mourned.

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of Dinosaurs

Adam: ...
Adam: Cassie.
Adam: That exact same thing goes on every 5 minutes.
Ifi: It was gonna be dead in twelve hours anyway.
Adam: Really.
Adam: Seriously, this girl needs to get her priorities in order.

<Found one!> Ax yelled suddenly. <I don't know the yield, but it's definitely an explosive device!>
<Then haul butt!> Jake cried. <Rachel, can you carry it?>
<Already have it!>

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of Dinosaurs

Ifi: Hooray things that go boom!
Adam: Well, that was easy enough.
Adam: I guess the Nesk just keep thermonuclear devices lying around.
Adam: "Oh, you want a tour of the house? Sure. This is where I keep my collection of teddy bears. And next to that is the everything killer."
Ifi: Then the Mercora show up and give them a ride back to camp.

"The Nesk are leaving!" Cassie cried happily. "The Mercora say the Nesk have left Earth! Their orbital ships came down and removed everything from the base."
"Looks like the good guys won," Rachel said. "I think the Nesk saw that the Mercora had some new friends, some serious, butt-kicking new friends." She laughed, mocking her own bravado.
<Yeah. Guess so, huh?> I said.
The Mercora celebrated their victory that afternoon and into the evening. They celebrated by plowing up another hundred acres at the edge of the colony and planting seeds.
The others and I went to the rooms they'd set aside for us. We ate the food they'd provided, and rested on the shaped force fields that passed for furniture.
Night fell, and through the window the comet seemed to fill the sky. I perched where I could watch it.

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of Dinosaurs

Ifi: derrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp
Adam: Oh, well, we just stole heavy arms from a colony of sadistic ant people.
Adam: I guess they'll just let us be

I watched the night deepen. I watched the head of the comet. And then, I saw it: a stab of flame that shot from the side of the bright white comet head. Blue flame, at a right angle to the trajectory of the comet.
I felt my heart skip a beat.
The Mercora noticed it, too. From the streets outside there came a wailing siren.
"What's that?" Marco asked. "Sounds like the cops."
Jake shrugged. "Who knows with the Mercora? They're some strange aliens. Maybe it's Mercora music."
Several minutes later, two Mercora came bursting into the room. Their eyes were fluttering open and shut at an alarming rate. Their two weak-looking hands were waving wildly.
<The Nesk! They cannot accept their defeat. They have decided if they cannot have this planet, then neither can we.>
"What do you mean?" Cassie asked.
<They have diverted the comet. The comet is now on a trajectory for impact on this planet. Here, on this very settlement. In little more than a day, the comet will strike.>
"We can't let that happen!" Cassie said. "You can't just give up. Isn't there some way you can…I don't know, push it the other way?"
The Mercora responded, <Even our most powerful force field could not move the comet. There is only one chance. The explosive device you took from the Nesk…we could use our last ship, carry it to the comet and explode the device. It might fragment the comet's head. However…>
"They don't want to ask us for the nuke," Jake said.
"That's carrying politeness a long way," Marco said. "If it was me, I'd be like, 'Hand that over, pal.'"
"If we give up the nuke, we have no way home," Rachel pointed out.
"We have no choice!" Cassie said. "Are the six of us more important than this entire settlement? Are we supposed to condemn them to death just because we want to get home again?"
"Wait a minute, are you serious?" Marco demanded. "We're gonna give up our only ticket out of here? I don't think so."
"Ax, if that comet hits, how much damage will it do?" Jake asked.

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of Dinosaurs

Ifi: IT IS A COMET AND YOU ARE IN THE VERY LAST ERA OF DINOSAURS EVER WTF DO YOU THINK THE DAMAGE WILL BE?
Adam: Tobias
Adam: Could you please
Adam: Just smack everyone
Ifi: The ending is still really stupid

<We need to get out of here,> Tobias said, speaking at last.
"Why?"
<We have to be far, far from here when that comet hits.>
"What do you mean, when it hits?" I demanded. "The Mercora think this will work. They think they can break it up into small chunks that will burn up entering the atmosphere."
Tobias stared at me with his cold hawk eyes. <The nuke won't explode. Ax fixed it so it'll be a dud. And he fixed it so the Mercora won't know till it's too late.>
I just stared. We all did.
"Wait a minute," Marco said. "If we're not using it, we better hope the Mercora can! Hey, genius, we're down here, too! That comet hits and we get pounded five miles down through solid rock. That's gonna hurt."
<No time to explain now,> Tobias said. <Everyone morph to birds. We need to haul out of here in a couple minutes.>
"Tobias, what have you done?" I demanded.
<I did what had to be done, all right?!> Tobias yelled in a blaze of sudden anger. <I did what had to be done. I made the call, so that none of you would have to feel bad about it.>

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of the Dinosaurs

Adam: "I killed us all. So now we can't travel back to our own time and the human race will be inevitably doomed anyway, just later on."

<It's the Cretaceous Age,> Tobias explained. <Late Cretaceous, the last age of dinosaurs.>
"So?" I demanded while I still had a human mouth.
<So what do you think happened to them all, Cassie? Dinosaurs ruled the earth for a hundred and forty million years. You've all seen how weak and helpless we are in this age. You've seen how the only mammals are tiny rats, small enough to avoid attracting the attention of the big dinosaurs. So how do you think the dinosaurs fell and the mammals rose?>
<They…they evolved,> I said.
<Yeah, they evolved. But evolution got a great big helping hand. See, about sixty-five million years ago…around now…something—they don't know if it was an asteroid or a comet, but something—hit Earth. Very hard. Hard enough to fill the atmosphere with dust, block the sun, and bring on a colder climate. And that's how the dinosaurs died.>

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of Dinosaurs

Ifi: It's really sad that Tobais has to explain this, seeing as everyone learns it in pre-school.
Ifi: However, it's even sadder that he decided that the Mercora had to die, rather than warning them to get out.
Adam: Tobias is a jerk
Ifi: And Ax went along with it
Ifi: Also, the guys who were in the spaceship with the nuke, doing Armageddon, they're gonna survive
Ifi: They'll be all that's left
Adam: I think the implication is that they die too.
Adam: I am going to go sit in the corner for a while
Ifi: I don't wanna play anymore.

Ifi: So we all run away to the ocean to escape the inevitable boiling heat that will come when the comet strikes. This also happens to be the same place the Sario rip opened but nobody notices.

<How big a boom will this thing make when it hits?> Rachel asked.
<That depends on the speed of the comet and its size,> Ax said. <The Mercora have observed the comet. They say it is approximately five of your miles across. It is approaching at a speed of fifteen miles per second.>
<Per second?> Marco asked.
<Yes. When it hits it will release as much energy as, say, a million of the nuclear weapons on that submarines.>
<Excuse me? A million nukes?>

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of Dinosaurs

Adam: Seriously
Adam: Did any of them pay the slightest attention in elementary school?
Ifi: Oh man, if only we had that nuke back so we could create a Sario rip so we are not destroyed by the fallout of this comet which is as powerful as multiple nukes.
Adam: So then we have a convenient plot device to the rescue!

<The Sario Rip!> I heard Ax cry. <The impact of the comet is collapsing it!>
But this time the travel through time was different. We weren't suddenly back where we started. We were hurtling through a void, hurtling past a videotape set on fast forward. I saw the crater. It was a hole big enough to lose a dozen cities in. Flaming hot debris exploded outward. A red-hot fireball rolled across the landscape, burning everything, a blowtorch on dry grass. Trees exploded into flame. Dinosaurs crinkled and blackened and fell dead where they stood, no time even to cry out. The burning wind expanded outward. The sky itself seemed to burn!
But then the fireball weakened and from the wreckage rose smoke and dust. Earth was hidden by a blanket of smoke and dust. The sun was blotted out. Earth began to freeze, and still more creatures died.
It was all passing before my eyes now, faster and faster. The sky cleared as acid rain fell, disintegrating many plants and starving the remaining dinosaurs. The plant-eaters were too few now. The herds were gone. Only a few pitiful remnants were left, then even they were gone.
I saw, in a flash, the last Tyrannosaurus, wandering hungry, thin, weakened and alone, across a blasted landscape. It was looking for the prey that was no longer there. And then it fell.
Time sped up, and the continents floated across the surface of the world. I watched Antarctica slide to the bottom of the planet and grow icy. I watched the Atlantic Ocean appear where only an inland sea had been. India broke away and then slammed violently into the bottom of Asia, rippling up the Himalaya Mountains. Ice sheets advanced and retreated. Forests spread and withdrew and spread again. Mountains rose up sharp and craggy, then crumbled slowly to softer, smoother shapes.
And everywhere, the small, brown, fur-covered creatures increased in number. They filled the land the way the dinosaurs had. They migrated into the seas. They became plant-eaters and meat-eaters. Big and small, cute and deadly, slow and fast. And suddenly, there they were in the trees, swinging from branch to branch. And an instant later, some were banging rocks together and forming tools of bone and wood. They walked erect, on two legs. They built huts and villages and cities. But all of this passed in a flash.

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of Dinosaurs

Ifi: Cassie. Trips. OUT.
Adam: They are all very observant to notice all this
Ifi: So now they are back at home and they are dolphins.
Adam: And they are not horribly irradiated from the nuclear sub
Adam: Well! Let's go home!
Ifi: What a strange adventure.
Adam: And then we get what is easily the most disappointing ending in the history of the series.
Adam: The part that left 9 year old me in a spiral of depression for weeks on end

I returned to my life, feeling strange and out of place. That night Jake came over. We went outside.
"I tried morphing the Tyrannosaurus," he said. "Nothing. Didn't work."
"You could ask Ax. He may know why."
Jake laughed. "Yeah, but even if he explains it, I still won't understand it."

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of Dinosaurs

Ifi: The fact that they lose the morphs?
Adam: T_T
Adam: Yes
Adam: WHAT WAS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE BOOK
Adam: IF THEY DON'T GET TO KEEP THE DINOSAUR MORPHS?!
Ifi: Thing is, it doesn't make sense that they lost the morphs. In The Forgotten, it did, because Jake was pulled back into his own timeline so that his adventures were wiped out. That does not happen here.
Adam: Well, Jake never mentions having a jaguar morph ever again.
Adam: But then again, he already has a tiger, so he wouldn't really need it
Ifi: I felt this way about the Leerans. Best non-combat morph EVER.
Ifi: herpaderp, time travel, can't use it
Ifi: WHY NOT DNA IS DNA
Adam: Bork bork bork

Ifi: Also, there is a cute little afterward pasted in.

<Hi, it's me, Tobias. After we got back from our adventure in the late Cretaceous, I looked up some of the dinosaurs we encountered: Tyrannosaurus, Deinonychus, Saltasaurus, Spinosaurus, Elasmosaurus, Kronosaurus, and Triceratops. All of them were around during the Cretaceous Age. But paleontologists seem to think some of them, like Spinosaurus, were extinct by the middle Cretaceous, whereas we were in the late Cretaceous. All I can say is that I was almost eaten by a supposedly extinct Spinosaurus. So who are you going to believe? Me, or a bunch of scientists with some old fossils?>

----Megamorphs #2, In the Time of the Dinosaurs

Adam: Psha
Ifi: Hi, it's me, the author. After I wrote this book, I looked up the dinosaurs I used and realized they never coexisted, but let’s face it, this book runs on rule of cool. Deal with it and stop writing me nitpicky letters.
Adam: Oh Applegate, you crazy.
Ifi: I am going to commit blasphemy and say it. This book was stupid.
Adam: Oh, no, that is common knowledge.
Ifi: Whatever nostalgia told you, it lied
Ifi: IT LIED
Adam: Nostalgia told me that it had dinosaurs
Adam: it speaks to me honestly.
Adam: This book is completely what I went in expecting.
Adam: Literary popcorn with a terrible ending.
Ifi: The beginning was actually quite good
Adam: Eh, the setup is doofy, and everyone except Tobias carries the idiot ball wherever they go.
Ifi: RACHEL
Ifi: RACHEL I AM WOUNDED
Ifi: TAKE OFF ALL YOUR CLOTHES
Adam: Like I said, everyone except Tobias.

31 comments:

  1. You were joking about the megaloceros being a predator, right? Because that's a giant elk.

    ... Actually I would seriously want to read a book where a giant prehistoric elk is stalking people to hunt and kill.

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  2. ...Darn it, that was a typo. I meant Megalosaurus.

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  3. Gurren Lagann is a great show.

    I always enjoyed this book because I was Tobias as a kid minus the alcoholic uncle. Like you, I was also very sad when they could never morph dinosaurs. I thought they had been given a power-up, and they weren't. :(

    Also, Y U NO HAVE FASEBOOK PAGE???!?!?!!111

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  4. Oh, this book. Oh WOW, this book. This is the best worst book in the series so far.

    The worst things about those inner covers are (a) that's barely "halfway morphed" (b) that's the same stock illustration of Ax and (c) Tobias' beak is opened and closed at the same time.

    Speaking of, I hate to point a missed opportunity out to you but...

    Adam: C'mon, you have a book about traveling back to the time of the dinosaurs! Give us some dinosaurs!
    Tobias: But I'm a di...
    Adam: Shut up, Tobias.

    More "Baywatch" references! So much "Baywatch" references!

    What up, "Macmillan Illustrated Encyclopedia of Dinosaurs and Prehistoric Animals" having in the bookshelf buddy!

    I would say that Tobias has followed the ultimate dino-geek dream right into the sun, wouldn't you? Having him explain all the dinosaurs and the K/P extinction event as it was understood by a person who watched "Jurassic Park" in 1995 is... surreal.

    "I got kicked out of class for trying to explain to the teacher that "bipedal=carnivore, quadripedal=herbivore" was not a hard and fast rule"

    My brain hurts. I mean... lions? Kangaroos? Ow...

    Speaking of, there appears to be a slight mistake: Megalocerous is a giant extinct deer. I am not for a minute saying that a giant deer wouldn't be the stuff of nightmares, but probably not a dominant predator. (Hell, we humans were it's dominant predator.)

    With regards to the "Oh well, I guess we can't be Tyrannosaurs ever again, wah" thing... well, that may deserve it's own post actually...

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  5. Some theories as to why the Animorphs can't use the animals acquired in this adventure:

    * - Somehow, however morphing actually works, acquired DNA is rendered invalid when the species goes extinct.

    * - Being able to turn into a Tyrannosaurus would be too much of a gamebreaker. But then again, given that Visser 3 loves his building-sized three-headed rocket-powered acid-puking piston-fisted alien species, it really, really wouldn't.

    * - I was thinking maybe Applegate was a fan of the DCAU series, and (as I mentioned somewhere on TV Tropes; probably it's since been deleted) after marathoning the series it looked like every shapeshifter in the DC Universe had a meeting together and decided that Tyrannosaurus would be their default One-Winged Angel equivalent. Applegate got sick of this quicker than I did and didn't want to look as unimaginative. Sadly (a) this book dates from 1995 and "Justice League" premiered in 2001 and (b) the characters basically stick with the battle forms they acquired in the first book so... yeah.

    Mention must be made, st this point, of this toy from the infamous action figure line: http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Tri-Rex Holy. Shit. There's merchandise/source material dissonance and then there's this.

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  6. Ah, there are always those sorts of things that you only think of in retrospect.

    Anycase, the carnivore, herbivore thing was specifically referring to dinosaurs. It's a bit better than if it were just referring to animals in general, but still...

    And yeah, I fixed the Megalocerous thing. I had meant to say Megalosaurus. Though there really ought to have been some sort of giant predatory elk at some point in history.

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  7. I think I just lost it when I got to "the prehistoric beast from the future!"

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  8. This is one of those book that wasn't published here, making "The Forgotten" even more useless.

    I have to say I'm... kinda disappointed. I expected it to be cooler, personally. But I bet I would have loved it if I'd read it when I was young.

    The Ax VS. T-rex picture kicks ass, by the way! Now I want an Animorphs 2D fighting game.

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  9. Sry for the lack of facebooking, everyone. This week was not a good week to be Ifi. I will make it up to you somehow.

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  10. Don't worry, Ifi. No need to apologize.^^

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  11. And of course I forgot the most prosaic and likely reason why blah blah can't turn into T. rexes: The _Megamorphs_ books are not part of the official continuity, duh.

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  12. Well, the first Megamorphs book was canon, so I don't see any reason why the others wouldn't be. I always figured that the reason they lost their dinosaur morphs was some sort of wonky aspect of time travel.

    Perhaps the Tyrannosaurus DNA hates time travel plots so much that it willfully escaped from their bodies.

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  13. Maybe the Sario Rip filter out any DNA acquired during the time period that that the morpher traveled to.

    Or transports them back exactly in the same state they were when they left.

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  14. I believe the author did it with the sole intention of making nine year old Adam cry hysterically.

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    Replies
    1. If you went by the sr theory from the commenter a oove, ALL morphs acquired before the sr would be destroyed too.

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  15. The second Megamorphs is also canon, I believe someone references Cassie's flipping out in T-rex morph later on.

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    Replies
    1. Also, this is the first Tobias PoV since he got his morphing power back, which means it begins a tradition of Rachel suggesting he go nothlit in human form at least once per book narrated by Tobias. In his next book, before they ever have such a conversation, he mentions that she had asked him that once before. Since she had no idea he could morph human in his prior book until the last sentence of the book, I was wondering when she asked him. That is not the kind of thing they would stick in one of the other characters' books. But he was apparently referencing their talk when they realized his wing wouldn't heal.

      Also, on that topic, does their relationship seem really, really one-sided in this book? Tobias admires her a lot, but the only feelings she gives evidence of are mostly annoyance at his dinosaur expertise.

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  16. It seems odd that not only are all the aliens attracted to their hometown but also they have a really hard time staying in said town. Crayak?

    When I was a little kid, I thought Tobias was being pervy, too. And I was a REALLY innocent kid. My friends were telling pervy jokes YEARS before I understood what was funny about them.

    Also, at the time, I thought this book was worse than the oatmeal one. Still kinda do. The dinosaurs aren't enough.

    Oh, and I distinctly recall being offended by the kids comments on broccoli. Broccoli is AWESOME.

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  17. Follow that dream!!!

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/babbletrish/6732410531/

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    Replies
    1. *u*

      I am in awe.

      ...You are a magnificent human being, Trish.

      Delete
    2. Thank you very very much.

      Since it is based off your quote, are you cool with me putting this on a shirt?

      Delete
    3. Yes! Please!

      If I actually had any money, I would love to buy one.

      Delete
    4. I shall make this happen as soon as possible.

      Delete
  18. Random brony association tiem!

    While waiting for a chapter titled "The Day Ax Went Around Generally Being Awesome," I decided to get an Animorphs fix from the Opinionated Guide, whose review of Megamorphs 2 included the running gag of Ax being the only competent one in this book. (And how! Love the Ax vs. Rex art.) So... combine that with Tobias's dino knowledge, and this book, for all its other screw-ups, perhaps best presents the shorms at their most quintessentially Andalite: brilliant, and yet capable of such massive, speciesist dickery that they quickly proceed to sweep under the rug and never mention again.

    The explanation for Tobias's "broken wing" sound as good as any to me, but once you run it through Tobias's "Dark Knight!Joker" background story as suggested by the Opinionated Guide and apply internet memes concerning Joker's silver age incarnation and an equine that's blue and feathered, I'm very tempted to say that Rachel has just been Wing-Bonered. (To-bi-as always dresses in style!)

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  19. I just accidentally discovered this site on the TVTropes website, and I'm glad I did. I love your reviews.
    When I read this book as a kid I spent the whole book waiting for a 'Power Rangers' shoutout and was disappointed when it wasn't referenced. I know I wouldn't be able to morph into a T-Rex w/o yelling "It's morphing time!" and posing like the Red Ranger. But that's me.

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  20. Cosmic Disco Bruce LeeJuly 4, 2012 at 5:50 AM

    Well, while I'm noting my appreciation for Rider shout-outs, I'll just say that I actually chuckled a little when I went to save the Ax vs. T-Rex image and saw "PuToTyrano" in the filename.

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  21. I have a theory that Applegate picked the dinosaurs in the book based on what was available in the Carnegie Collection toy line at the time. By 1998, when this book came out, every creature mentioned in it had also been made as a Carnegie toy. It might explain why Tobias' knowledge of dinosaurs seems to come from the toys he had as a kid.

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  22. I SWEAR there was a passage where Ax is asked to explain why they couldn't morph the dinosaurs and he does (or says I have no fuckin' idea) but his mouth is full of twizzlers and no one understands him I CANNOT HAVE JUST MADE THAT UP IN MY HEAD.

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  23. Hey there! You know that mystery In the Time of Dinosaurs cover you have there? I think it's just a promotional picture, maybe not an actual cover. Back when the book was first released, book stores had big cardboard displays with the cover elements on it to promote the book. It had little spots on the side to hold post cards with that exact image on it. I know this, because I used to own the big cardboard display stand (it was thrown out by my parents when I moved off to college). But I still have some of the post cards:

    http://i1227.photobucket.com/albums/ee437/sgtmilkman/IMG_20140208_164635_531_zps305f6e19.jpg

    I have a handful of these, and other promotional materials. If you all have an address that's safe to send things to, I'd love to send you some of all of it as a "Thank You" for this awesome blog!

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  24. Hey, just because his default body is a hawk now doesn't make Tobias any less of a human teenager. I love how it's barely even discussed that the Animorphs essentially caused the comet strike that wiped out the dinosaurs.

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