Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Ifi's Fanfiction - Chapter Six, Part Two

If you haven't read Visser, I can't help you.

Six Days the Animorphs Were Idiots
The Day Ax Was Awesome: Part Two

Ax was literally pushed out of his sleep by Rachel. He barely managed to catch himself in time before he went sprawling onto the grass.

“Wake up, wake up! She did it! She did it!” Rachel yelled in his face.

<What?> said Ax, staggering a little. The first sun was still low in the sky, tinting the sky palest pink. <Rachel?>

“She did it!” Rachel grabbed Ax by the shoulders and shook him vigorously. “While we were asleep! She faked a transmission from the Council of Thirteen! And everyone bought it! They’ve called a cease-fire until they get everything figured out!”

<What?> repeated Ax.

“I’m mad,” said Cassie, storming out of the scoop. “I thought she was going to wait for us to give her the okay! I angsted all night over what to tell her and then she just—”

“What happened?” muttered Jake, stumbling out behind her. “Where…where the hell are we?”

“Ax’s house,” said Rachel.

“How did we get here? What day is it?” Jake blinked around at the Andalite landscape as if seeing it for the first time in his life. Which he sort of was.

“It’s Thursday, and the war’s over,” said Cassie. “Without my consent. So we’re going to go yell at Visser Five because it’s her fault.”

“Oh,” said Jake. “Okay. Do we have any toast?”


*    *    *
 

<I’m confused,> said Eva. <What are we doing?>

<Mind your own damn business, will you? Take a nap or something.>

<I don’t know if you’ve noticed yet, but every time you do something stupid, I get in trouble too. Also, you’re clenching my teeth. Don’t do that. It’s bad for me.>

Visser One tightened her grip on the steering wheel of the car. They were parked outside of an elementary school, and had been there for the past half hour. No amount of nagging on Eva’s part could get her to admit what exactly she was waiting for.

<They’re letting the kids out,> said Eva, directing Visser One’s attention to the front doors of the school, where the first few children were beginning to exit, pushing and yelling to each other. Visser One got out of the car and scanned the crowd with her eyes. More kids were coming out by the moment, and soon it was more like a mob than any sort of orderly procession to the buses.

Then—something. Was that—? Yes! Visser One pushed through the crowd, trying not to knock over anyone too small. “Madra!” she called.

A little girl with black hair stopped walking and turned around. She looked around eight or nine, and when she saw Visser One, she frowned and pursed her lips and tilted her head to the side.

“Madra,” said Visser One again, and that was when the little girl broke out into a huge smile and ran towards her with open arms.

“Mommy!” she cried, crashing into Visser One’s torso. “You have a new body again!”

<Okay,> said Eva. <You have some explaining to do.>

*    *    *

Visser Five’s base was in complete chaos by the time the Animorphs (minus Ax, who had stayed behind with his parents) arrived. Controllers were running everywhere, trading papers and rumors and fighting and generally looking confused. A few Andalite-Controllers ran past at full gallops, nearly running over Marco in the process.

In contrast, Visser Five was the picture of serenity. She stood in the middle of the atrium, smiling as she observed the madness. Her strange Nahara eyes were sunshine yellow, but when she saw Sovi/Lannit leading the Animorphs towards her, they shaded to the delighted electric blue color that they’d been yesterday.

“Ignoring the fact that you went ahead without consulting us,” said Cassie as soon as they came within earshot, “you did it!”

“You’re not too upset, are you?” asked Visser Five, taking Cassie’s hands in her own and spinning around with her like an overexcited child. “I wanted you to be there for the announcements, but my technicians broke into the global broadcast network late last night and told me that if we didn’t do it now, they might not able to get in again later.”

“Are they really going to declare peace?” asked Rachel. She’d gotten very irate when Tobias had tried to perch on Toby’s head, and so now he was on her wrist.

“I believe they will try.” Visser Five released Cassie’s hands and turned her attention to the rest of the group. “…Six today, I see. Who is missing?”

Jake looked suspicious. “Why?”

“Well, there were only four of you yesterday,” said Visser Five. “In any case, I’m glad all of you could make it today. I am sorry you missed the excitement, I’m sure you would have appreciated it. Follow me.”

“Where?” asked Jake, looking around the cavern at all the corridors that led off in different directions.

“I thought you would like to see copies of the transmissions that were sent,” said Visser Five, glancing back at him. “Though if you don’t, we can get right down to business.”

“What business?” asked Jake. He was frustratingly out of the loop. In his opinion, the only good thing about everything that had happened so far was that the lighting down here was quite dim, unlike on the blindingly bright all-made-of-glass Andalite shuttle.

Visser Five pushed a door open and looked inside. The room was lined with computer consoles and there was a large holographic map of the planet in the center. But it was completely devoid of any Controllers. Visser Five made an irate sound.

“There should be sixteen people on shift in this room. All off getting drunk, I expect,” she said. “Well, nevermind. What was I saying?”

“Business?” said Jake, following her into the room. From the corner of his eye, he saw Rachel flop down in one of the console chairs and spin in a circle—with Tobias still perched on her wrist. Marco was edging towards another console, doing his very best to look innocent. Cassie had gone to play with the holographic planet, which spun when she touched it and could even be made to zoom in on populated areas. 

“Ah, yes,” said Visser Five, ignoring all this. “Your team possesses an Escafil device—”

“Nope,” said Jake.

Visser Five’s eyes dimmed to greyish-green and she tilted her head. “What? Yes you do—”

“Yes, we do and no, you can’t have it,” said Jake. “Next question?”

“Very well,” said Visser Five, but she sounded disappointed.

“I have a question,” said Marco, turning his attention away from the Yeerk technology. “How long before everyone figures out the whole thing was faked?”

“Oh, they already know,” Visser Five waved a clawed hand. “It took the Council of Thirteen, what—three hours?—to realize the Andalite Councilmembers had been infested. The Andalites will probably take longer to realize the footage they received was fabricated, but—”

“They’re already figured it out?” Cassie spun around, a horrified expression on her face. “Are you serious? You should run! Get a better place to hide, before they come looking for you!”

Visser Five laughed.

“I am touched by your concern,” she said, and her eyes shaded to orange as she spoke, “but I am in no danger. In return for amnesty, I have agreed to provide the Council of Thirteen with the six gurrilla warriors that have been giving Visser Three so much trouble.”

Cassie’s mouth fell open. Marco and Jake both began to morph. And Rachel leapt out of her chair.

“YOU BITCH!” Rachel screeched. “YOU COWARDLY BACKSTABBING SLUG!” She lunged at Visser Five, apparently planning to pull her head off with her bare hands. But the Nahara flared a pair of wings from where they’d been lying flat against her body, practically invisible. Rachel jerked back in surprise.

Too late, she realized that the wings, despite their intimidating eyespots, were as harmless as a butterfly’s. But that was all the time Visser Five needed to get herself through the doorway and back out into the hallway.

“Seal off area seventy-nine C,” she said, scurrying backwards on her four legs. Immediately, a force field sprang up between herself and the Animorphs.

“It’s nothing personal, you understand,” said Visser Five, as Rachel repeatedly slammed her body against the barrier. “But it was me or you and, well, I think you can imagine why I chose myself.”

“I’LL KILL YOU, DO YOU HEAR ME? COME OVER HERE AND FIGHT ME!”

“I am sorry it had to end like this,” said Visser Five coolly. “Make yourselves comfortable. And feel free to break whatever you like if you think it will make you feel any better. I really don’t mind.”

*    *    *

“Outer space! We’re in outer space!” Darwin twisted around to look at everything at once. If it wasn’t for Visser One’s firm grip on his hand, he would have surely wandered off.

“Be good,” said Visser One as she hurried the twins down the hallways of the Blade ship. She’d brought a smaller, faster space cruiser to get to Earth so quickly. Unfortunately, it had to be docked in the hangar of the Blade ship, as only Bug fighters were cleared for transit to Earth for security reasons. “Once we’re back on my ship, you can do whatever you want, but right now, you need to behave.”

“Pony!” said Madra, pointing with her free hand. “Look! A blue pony!”

“Oh no,” muttered Visser One. Visser Three broke off from yelling at some human-Controllers to stare at her.

<You brought…humans. Small humans.> Visser Three shifted on his feet, uncertain.

“I wanna ride on the pony! Can I?” said Madra hopefully.

“We’re in outer space and you want to ride ponies?” said Darwin scornfully.

<Can I eat them?> asked Visser Three, and that was all it took to set Visser One off.

“NO YOU CANNOT EAT THEM, YOU SOCIOPATH! THEY’RE MINE! NOW GO AWAY!” She tightened her grip on the twins’ hands and continued towards the hangar.

<You have human pets?> Visser Three was following along behind them, obviously very very confused.

“They’re not pets! They’re…” Too late, Visser One realized that she hadn’t come up with a good cover story.

<Deep cover agents,> suggested Eva. <Spiritual advisors. Trust fund recipients. Long-lost poolmates. Genetically manipulated test subjects. Robots. Avatars of the Ellimist. Backup dancers. Ninja bodyguards.>

“They’re my…children.”

<Or that, whatever,> said Eva.

<I don’t understand,> said Visser Three. <Are they Yeerks?>

Visser One was saved from having to answer by another human-Controller peering around the corner anxiously.

“Ah, Visser—”

<WHAT?> roared Visser Three, already irate at being told he couldn’t eat the twins.

The Controller squeaked in fear. “You…you have a live transmission from Visser Five.”

“Well it’s about time,” said Visser One crossly. “Ask her where she’s been for the last twelve hours.”

<What does she want?> asked Visser Three.

“I…I’m not sure…but she…she says…” the Controller got ahold of himself, “that she has six presents for you. And she said to tell you, because she knew you would ask, she said to tell you that yes, you can eat them.”

to be continued

Previous Part Next Part

23 comments:

  1. Still laughing, from the first sentence. Best chapter ever.

    "I angsted all night over what to tell her and then she just—"
    Poor Animorphs. Angst is important to the process! Stupid Yeerks not respecting the process!

    “It’s Thursday, and the war’s over," said Cassie. "Without my consent. So we’re going to go yell at Visser Five...”
    Classic Cassie.

    {I don’t know if you’ve noticed yet, but every time you do something stupid, I get in trouble too}
    You'd think more hosts would point that out... (Of course, leave it to KAA to bring that point up in about as gruesome a fashion as possible in Megamorphs 4)

    A few Andalite-Controllers ran past at full gallops, nearly running over Marco in the process.
    Hahaha! Because he's short!

    Jake blinked around at the Andalite landscape as if seeing it for the first time in his life. Which he sort of was...he was frustratingly out of the loop.
    I can't help but wonder if they would not be in this situation if he had been sober. Before this installment, I had a passing thought about the purpose & duration of his inebriation, wondering if you had really ditched his character for most of a day just to have the (totally worth it) jokes about his state. And now you unveil the long game. Well played madam!

    And of course the exchange that is the piece de resistance:
    {Can I eat them?} asked Visser Three, and that was all it took to set Visser One off.

    “NO YOU CANNOT EAT THEM, YOU SOCIOPATH! THEY’RE MINE! NOW GO AWAY!” She tightened her grip on the twins’ hands and continued towards the hangar.

    {You have human pets?} Visser Three was following along behind them, obviously very very confused.

    “They’re not pets! They’re…” Too late, Visser One realized that she hadn’t come up with a good cover story.

    {Deep cover agents,} suggested Eva. {Spiritual advisors. Trust fund recipients. Long-lost poolmates. Genetically manipulated test subjects. Robots. Avatars of the Ellimist. Backup dancers. Ninja bodyguards.}

    “They’re my…children.”

    {Or that, whatever,} said Eva.

    STILL laughing.

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    1. I actually think that last one is my favorite exchange in the entire fic. I had it written months ago and was just waiting for the chance to use it...

      Eva is -so- disappointed that Edriss decided not to go with the backup dancer story. You don't even understand.

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  2. 1. Advisers is spelled wrong. I thought it was advisors, because it looks weird with an E, but spell-check said no :<
    2. I called my brother down just so he could read this sentence. I couldn't stop laughing. BACKUP DANCERS LOL. I CAN'T GET OVER THAT ONE.
    If I were Visser One though, I would have followed up on Visser Three's pet assumption. Hey, if Visser Three has cats lying around the Blade Ship, then Visser One can have human pets.

    AND LOL AT VISSER FIVER'S MESSAGE. "And she said to tell you, because she knew you would ask, she said to tell you that yes, you can eat them."
    HA. He doesn't get to eat Ax. He can't compare flavors between Ax and Elfangor now.

    I also love how Ax has showed up once in these two parts, and it was only to be traumatized by Rachel.

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    1. Spell check can go fuck itself, for it is deceptive and cruel. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advisor

      Technically, both spellings are correct. I think adviser is the traditional old-fashioned way, but the dictionary lists them both as okay.

      I swear Ax will get to be awesome. Next week. Trust me.

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    2. Well, the British spelling is "adviser," but since it's Latin-derived the original word would have been "advisor" (roughly translated, "one who pays close attention," from advideo; I'm not sure that compound is actually a thing in Classical Latin, but hey, who's counting?). The funny thing is, although the UK spellings of words are generally thought of as "more correct," the US spellings are often closer to the original Latin (or Greek) forms, like colour/color, or verbs in -ise/-ize.

      [/language nerd]

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    3. Great, more words spell check doesn't recognize.
      At least advisors is right then <3 That makes me happy.
      English should really make up its mind about it though. It's not good to have two different spellings!

      I trust you.

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  3. I'm thinking Ax is probably going to go very Rambo-ey.

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  4. “It’s Thursday, and the war’s over,” said Cassie. “Without my consent. So we’re going to go yell at Visser Five because it’s her fault.”

    “Oh,” said Jake. “Okay. Do we have any toast?”
    :D this makes me very happy!
    This is my favorte chapter ever! so much funnyness! and I love Ax, so I can't wait for him to rescue them. He is isn't he? If they get eaten, I may have to have...words.. with you. unless, of course, it turns out that when visser 3 eats people they go to hapyy alternate universe where they can hang out with elfangor and have awesome adventure driving in yellow mustangs. then that would be ok.

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  5. Hey, quick thought. Wouldn't morphing cure Jake's hangover? I can understand that trying to get a wasted teenager to concentrate enough to morph away his intoxication might be something of a lost cause (hell, teenagers being teenagers, it's a wonder they have the mental discipline to change or control their morphs at all), but if I could morph, I'd be using it to cure every little annoyance, like blisters, toothaches, paper cuts and so on.

    And speaking of toothaches, I wonder if any of them had extractions or fillings? I imagine Cassie and Jake to have been the anal types who meticulously brushed and flossed eight times a day, and Rachel coasting because she's Rachel, but Tobias and Marco being neglected as they were, I can easily see them having their share of cavities. Of course, I could also Tobias having never received proper dental care, either...

    OHHHH! Jake's Jewish, right? And his family is religious enough to pray before meals, according to Ax, so he almost certainly was circumcised... And what about Rachel & Cassie having piercings? Do they have to punch new holes every time they want to wear earrings, or would those remain through a morph?

    Dammit! Stop making me think, Ifi! My brain is starting to go to all sorts of tasteless places beginning with pregnancy issues down the road. I'll just stop here to save the rest of you the expense of more brain bleach.

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    1. I think the fact that they can force certain clothes to reappear means that the technology makes some effort to return you to "normal." As nice as it is to return to an unharmed version of yourself, the Andalite military probably does realize how some physical alterations (such as war scars) can be part of your identity and not everyone wants such things gone, in addition to the fact that many cultures have traditions of physical alteration and andalites could as well. Thus, piercings and almost certainly Jake's possible circumcision (thanks for making me think about that -.-) seem capable of returning as long as the kids keep them in mind. Morphing seems to be very much mental (with the need to "picture" clothes in order to get them back), so probably anything that's part of your mental picture of yourself will return to you.

      Although, I've always wondered if acquired DNA ages or not...

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    2. I just assumed morphs didn't age. Which might slightly justify Rachel's nagging Tobias to go human-nothlit. Otherwise, hawk lifespan aside, in a few years, she's going to not only have an infrequently human boyfriend, but one who looks 13 when he is human. At the very least, public displays of affection will become extremely awkward.

      As for the war scars thing you mentioned, IIRC, the Andalite admiral they meet in the finale has a nasty scar on his face, which probably corroborates your idea. I guess that means they can keep tattoos, and would explain the retention of their hair lengths and styles. Otherwise, why would Rachel have had a problem with the Iskoort shaving her bald? She'd get the hair back after her first remorph.

      If I have to think about the Animorphs' junk, EVERYONE does.

      We still haven't answered my question about his hangover though.

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    3. *shrugs* People are usually hungover because they're dehydrated and under-fed (vomit). I can see morphing not fixing that. Supposedly, this is crackfic anyway.

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    4. This is crackfic about children's books, written more than a decade ago. Taking things too seriously and thinking too hard about them is what we are here to do!

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    5. I thought about also pointing out that changing certain physical characteristics can make it difficult to be sneaky about using the morphing power, but apparently the Andalites don't much use it as a weapon, the culture and identity issues seemed better.

      That is what I always thought about the DNA, too. It seemed to me that whatever tech or causes the morphing had probably taken a "photocopy", which wouldn't degrade like a "sample" would. But they did "acquire" and "absorb" the DNA so it was weird.

      And then the last book happened, and Jake completely neglected to notice whether or not Tobias aged. (-.-)

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    6. RE: Tobias's aging:

      I posted this on an earlier post, but it'll probably be more visible here. I brought up that issue to KAA in a Q&A and suggested that possibly the Ellimist had fiddled with Tobias's human morph to make it age with the others. She agreed that if she'd actually thought of the issue that that's how she'd have resolved it.

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  6. Replies
    1. Yep. It's mentioned offhand a few times. It isn't specified whether Rachel is or not though, since Jake is related to her on her dad's side.

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    2. Probably not. You have to convert to Judaism if your mother is not, and the way Rachel always phrases it("my dad's Jewish," etc), Naomi isn't. Ironically, I always kind of thought Naomi was a more typically Jewish name than Dan, Steve, Jean or Tom. And then you have the stereotypical profession...

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    3. Also - funny irony. We're coming up on Passover, which celebrates the Jews escaping Egypt, where the last plague killed the first born son of every non-Jewish family. Over the course of the Animorphs series, the Jewish Berensons (Steve, Dan & their sibling, George or Ellen) will each have their eldest child die.

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    4. That's not really a hard and fast rule though. I know plenty of families with a Jewish dad and non-Jewish mom, where the kids were raised Jewish, even though that isn't technically how it is supposed to work.

      Also, way to go and make me sad.

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    5. I guess that's how it works for Rachel though, since she says "My dad is..." where Jake says "I'm..." And we're in the back half of the series. Sad is the default setting now, and happy times are the exception to the soul-deadening burden of shit getting real.

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  7. HerethIllintPersonOctober 3, 2013 at 4:40 PM

    Yeah it's me again.
    "children of a past host body" is what V1 should have said

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