Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Ifi's Fanfiction: Chapter Six, Part Four

I regret nothing.

Six Days the Animorphs Were Idiots
The Day Ax Was Awesome: Part Four

Visser Five regained consciousness very suddenly. A whole team of medics was staring down at her. She glanced around and realized that she was in the medbay, lying on a cot.

“What happened?” she muttered, raising a hand to her aching head. Only then did she realize her hand was still human.

“Visser, you must demorph now,” said one of the medics. “You have been in that human shape for over an hour.”

<If you get us trapped in human form, I’ll be so angry at you,> said Sia Ren. <They can’t even fly.>

Visser Five demorphed slowly—she was a bit new at it, having only gained access to an Escafil device (actually, a whole box of them, but nobody needed to know that) in the past month or so. Luckily, the pain went away with the human body.

“What happened?” she asked when she could speak again.

“The young Andalite must have realized you were in morph,” said Sovi/Lannit, appearing in her line of vision. “He attacked you, as well as Siforond and Idess.”

“Are they alive?” asked Visser Five. Damn it. She should have known that trying to pass for Cassie was a stupid idea.

“They’re both fine,” said Sovi/Lannit. “But we haven’t captured the Andalite yet. He’s here, in the base somewhere. I have every free Controller looking for him, but—”

“Nevermind that. We’ll have to try to pass the Hork-Bajir off as the sixth bandit after all. Hopefully Visser Three will just eat them without asking questions first. Just keep him away from Edriss and Esplin in the meantime.” Visser Five took a moment to collect her thoughts. “Edriss and Esplin—where are they?”

“Oh! They’re waiting in your office,” said Sovi/Lannit.

“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THAT FIRST?” screeched Visser Five, falling off the cot.

* * *

Despite the long wait, Visser Three appeared to be in a good mood. Visser One was still skeptical—she’d been promised the Andalite Bandits once before already. Still, she withheld her (and Eva’s) comments and followed the other two to what looked like a normal control room, minus the force field that was blocking the door.

“They’re in here,” said Visser Five. Visser One glanced over the Nahara’s shoulder. The Andalites—if this truly was them—were in some rather fearsome Earth animal morphs. Plus a Hork-Bajir. That was a little odd, she thought. Also, an elephant was determinedly banging its head against the far wall. She wondered if it knew the base was built into solid rock.

Visser Five rapped her hand on the force field. “Demorph. Playtime is over.”

<SCREW YOU, LADY!> yelled the elephant.

<Was that a human?> said Eva.

<Be defiant. It will not save you,> said Visser Three gleefully, rubbings his hands together. <Who shall I eat first?>


<I’m pretty sure that’s a human,> insisted Eva.

“Now, Esplin, before you eat them, we should formalize our agreement,” said Visser Five. “I think we’re all eager to put this unpleasantness behind us.”

<You are a filthy traitor, Emiki,> said Visser Three distractedly. <But I will defer to the Council. Now let me eat them.>

“Very well,” said Visser Five, completely unoffended. “Though surely you would prefer them to be sedated before you go in there?”


“I know for a fact that you can’t,” said Visser One darkly.

<Nobody will be eating anybody!> declared a new voice. Everyone turned around to see a very young Andalite standing behind them.

And his bladed tail was wrapped around Madra and Darwin.

“Hi Mommy!” said Madra, waving. “I think we’re kidnapped!”

* * *

<I’m willing to trade,> said the Andalite. <Two humans for six gullible idiots.>

<Thanks, Ax,> said the hawk, which was, for some reason, perched on the elephant’s tusk.

Well. There was only one solution to this. Visser One looked at Visser Five.

“Let them go,” she said.

<WHAT?> Visser Three roared.

“LET! THEM! GO!” she shrieked at a volume to rival his.

<But I want to eat them!> whined Visser Three.


<We can get you new humans!> said Visser Three. <There are billions—literally billions—>

“ESPLIN!” Visser One was very, very close to pulling out her host’s hair.

Visser Three crossed his arms. <They’re mine. The Council said so. They’re mine and I don’t have to share and you can’t make me.>

“Yes I can!” said Visser One. “Because if you don’t, I will show the entire Homeworld the security footage I have of you getting drunk and shooting at your own soldiers from the bridge of the Blade ship while ranting about how Elfangor was the only worthy foe you ever had and the only one who understood you and now that he’s dead your life is without purpose.”

<WHAT?> Visser Three rose up on his back hooves in shock. <WHEN DID YOU GET THAT?>

“Last Saturday, actually.” Visser One said with a brittle smile. “In return for pulling you out of your snit. Your staff was happy to oblige.”

Visser Three looked more than a little bit lost.

“This is how it’s going to go,” said Visser One, being careful to speak slowly and clearly. “I will purge the footage from my computer in return for these h—these Andalite Bandits. Then I will give them to that Andalite in return for my children. And then we are all going to go home because I have a headache.”

Visser Three looked like he was going to argue. But then his shoulders slumped. <Fine,> he grumbled. <But you owe me. You owe me dinner.>

“Good. Then it’s settled. Emiki?” said Visser One, turning back to the Nahara.

“Does this mean they’re not going to die?” Visser Five looked interested. “I’m glad. I like them. They are very funny.”


“And charming,” said Visser Five, unabashed. Visser One looked at the prisoners and for the first time, she smiled.

“Alright,” she said. “Which one of you is Marco?”

The bandits all looked at each other and, after a few minutes of deliberating in private thought-speak, they seemed to come to some sort of agreement. And then the gorilla slowly morphed into a human boy.

<WHAT?> bellowed Visser Three.

<Ohhhh,> said Eva. <That makes sense,>

“So he is one of your agents, Edriss?” asked Visser Five. “I thought there was a resemblance.”

“He is my host’s son. He is certainly not one of my agents,” said Visser One. “Your ‘Andalite Bandits’ are five human teenagers and an Andalite cadet. And if Esplin had any sort of critical reasoning skills, he would know that. I don’t know who the seventh one is, though.”

“My name is Toby,” said the Hork-Bajir, waving.

“There you go,” said Visser One, rubbing her forehead. “Her name is Toby. I would like to go now.”

<You expect us to believe that?> demanded Visser Three. <One of the bandits just happens to be your host’s son? Furthermore, how many children do you have?>

“I have less children than you have cats,” said Visser One icily. “Emiki, release them, please. Do not make me ask again.”

Visser Five gave the command, and the force field evaporated. The tiger was the next to demorph. Visser One raised her eyebrows.

“Jake Berenson?” she said.

“Hi,” said Jake. “Uh. This is sort of awkward, isn’t it?”

After some negotiation and more demorphing and a full-blown temper tantrum courtesy of Visser Three, Ax released the twins, who went running to their mother.

Then Marco asked the obvious question.

“How the hell do you have children?”

“Mommy changes bodies,” said Madra blithely, as if this explained everything. “Can you turn into a gorilla again?”

“Everyone under the age of fourteen to the hangar,” ordered Visser One, ignoring this. “I’ll take you back to Earth. Your parents must be frantic.”

“Turn back into a wolf! Please?” Darwin pulled on Cassie’s arm.

“Can you turn into a pony?” asked Madra.

“Jake, I don’t think they’re Yeerks,” Cassie said, amazed. “I think they’re actual kids.”

“What’s a Yeerk?” asked Madra.

“Can we all focus?” said Visser One. “I mean it. Hangar. Ship. Now. Before I start firing randomly.”

“You’re…letting us go?” said Marco suspiciously.

“At this point, it would be less trouble than keeping you locked up,” said Visser One. “Besides, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but there’s a peace treaty in the works and I’d rather not compromise it.”

“That message was fake,” said Jake. “She—both sides got a fake—”

“I know that. And you know that, and the Council knows that. But the combined billions of Andalites and Yeerks who saw the transmission don’t, and I see no reason to disappoint them. Besides,” Visser One’s lips moved in Eva’s crooked smile, “what can I say, I like kids.”

* * *

It was nice to be back in the familiar setting of Cassie’s barn. Soon, Cassie’s parents would find them and realize they were back and then there would be a lot of explaining to do, but for now, the Animorphs enjoyed the last few moments of peace they’d have before the Andalites landed. They were anticipating a lot of shouting. And then, once the Andalites realized they’d given Elfangor’s escafil device to Visser One, even more shouting.

“What do you think will happen next?” asked Cassie, twirling a piece of hay between her fingertips.

“To the world, or to us?” said Jake.

“Whichever,” said Cassie. “Both.”

“Well, I think we’re going to have a lot of ex-hosts coming forward,” said Marco. “Minus the voluntary ones, anyway. And then the tourism industry is going to explode, with the Andalites.”

“And us?” asked Cassie.

“I dunno,” admitted Jake. “Maybe we should try to be normal for a while. Finish school and…I dunno. College. Get married. Have babies. Grown-up stuff.”

“Babies? Gross.” Rachel made a distasteful face. She was sitting on top of Tobias in human morph. “You can’t fight a war with a baby. It’d get stepped on.”

“The war is ending,” said Cassie.

“Okay, but still, there’s got to be stuff we can do other than being boring suburban parents. Adventures! Lots of adventures. There’s still all of outer space to explore. Or we could…” Rachel fished around for ideas, “we could start a band.”

“A band?” repeated Jake.

“Yeah. We could do concerts. Tours. Write our own music. I call vocals. No need to ruin it with babies.”

“Question,” said Tobias. “Speaking of babies. What would happen if a woman was pregnant and she morphed something?”

“Gross,” said Marco. “Gross would happen.”

“Ax?” asked Jake.

<I do not know,> said Ax. <I do not believe anything like that has ever happened, and I would advise against it. However, I would guess that zygote would be incorporated into the morph, and the birthing process is put on hold until she demorphs.>

“Baby goes to Z-space,” translated Cassie.

“That’s going to be the name of our band,” said Rachel.

end of day six

Like a week later or something

The sun was going down by the time Eva unlocked the front door with the key that someone had hidden under the doormat.

She stepped inside and glanced around the unfamiliar foyer, though some of the furniture was familiar. To one side was the dining room, to the other was a study. It looked like the kitchen was straight ahead.

She looked up, and only then did she spot the man standing at the top of the steps. His mouth was hanging open.

“Oh, there you are,” she said.

Peter proceeded to lose his balance and fall down the stairs, breaking seventeen bones in the process.

the freaking end

Previous Part

A girl with kaleidoscope eyes.



    1. Geez, you people are demanding.


    3. the internet has spoken

    4. I'm not a machine you know! I'm a human being, with hopes and dreams and... *sobs*

    5. I'm a robot.

      A pink one.

    6. I like how the formatting of the page has the word "delete" right below your post there.

  2. I had a side-bet going with myself that the end of the story would be the Ellimist and Crayak face-palming at everyone's mutual stupidity and erasing their memories to reset the status-quo.

    Ifi, can your next Fanfic be in the Choose-Your-Own-Adventure style? Alternamorphs 3!

    1. That's a great idea. I sort of wish I'd thought of that.

      I think I'm gonna put up a poll as to what I should write next. I am gonna take a bit of a break first, work on some of my own stuff, graduate college, etc...

      But I do have a CYOA already outlined. So that will be one of the options.

      Right now I feel like my brain is going to explode.

  3. Ifi's Fanfiction, or Animorphs: How it should have ended.

    *slow clap*

  4. Oh God. I mean... Oh God.

    And to think this fanfic started as a random joke and it became SO EPIC. And now I really want to read about the Animorphs starting an intergalactic band and doing all sorts of crazy stuff!XD

    (ah, and Visser One is AWESOME. Period)

    Also, can't wait for the CYOA! I'm sure it would be incredible!**

  5. Best fanfic ever.

    Didn't Marco and his dad move out of a house after Eva "died" and then move out of the apartment and into another (different) house after Marco's dad got his stuff together? So how did she know what house to go to and know the layout of the inside?

    I hate to nitpick such an awesome fanfic, but...

    1. She stepped inside and glanced around the unfamiliar foyer, though some of the furniture was familiar. To one side was the dining room, to the other was a study. It looked like the kitchen was straight ahead.

      She knows where the house is (and where to get the key) because Marco told her before Visser One let her go. The furniture is familiar because they took it with them. The house itself is not.

    2. I need to learn to read. Or not read after work when my brain is fried.

  6. She was sitting on top of Tobias in human morph

    What...How...Who? Is there like a backstory or something to this that I'm missing? Also the peculiar emphasis on Tobias sitting on her tusk... Is sitting on people your equivalent of Visser Three eating people?

    Otherwise, hilarious. Actually the image of Rachel sitting on a hawk or perched on a boy while in eagle form (maybe they just wanted to screw with everyone's head by inverting the status quo), or sitting as a girl on top of a boy's head (because that's what the sentence literally sounds like), is kind of funny too. I'm just not sure which version is the joke supposed to be.

    I think I like alt-Visser One's soccer-mom-who-happens-to-be-a-warlord even more than alt-Rachel's crazy incoherent violence junkie. Oh, and speaking of whom, I just got my hands on the Andalite Chronicles, and I notice Alloran sets out on his mission at the beginning with pretty much Rachel's wish list for the Andalite council - he has a legit ship that's not a fighter, but can fit in a suburban yard, he has more than one shredder, Andalite DNA that would be very suitable for tailblade dueling Visser Three, and "a couple of arisths to boss around." There was probably a psychic tree in a planter somewhere, too. I think you can tell how engaging this whole fanfic has been by the way we can read the original book and immediately notice a point of congruence with the crackfic. Well done, indeed.

    1. Tobias was in human morph. So it's a human girl sitting on a human guy. I guess it was badly worded but whatever I like any interpretation you can come up with.

      Also, Visser One is one of my favorite characters of the whole series and she didn't get a fraction of the attention she deserved (and neither did Eva, though she makes up for it in this fic by stealing every scene that she appears in.)

    2. You know, the idea of Rachel sitting on her boyfriend's lap is somehow even more weird and hard-to-picture than sitting on his head. Especially because she and Tobias have a very non-physical relationship. You do seem kind of committed to them being that couple that is always ducking out of sight to taste tonsils and paw each other (we all knew a couple like that in high school), but aside from the "omigod one of us just came back from the dead/escaped a yeerk torture chamber" moments, they are pretty much devoid of physical expressions of affection.

      But this IS crazy, crack-fic alt-Rachel, I suppose.

    3. I think that's more a function of incompatible bodies than personal preferences, though, right? I mean, most of the time they don't both have tonsils *to* taste at the same time, but there's a lot of shoulder sitting/feather scratching/etc. that could probably count as "physical affection."

    4. I think that was mostly in Book 1 where there's a lot of out of character stuff going on, because KAA hadn't settled everything down yet. Even in human morphs though, they aren't very physically expressive, probably a combination of Tobias being a little creeped out by his human form and Rachel not being a huggy-kissy type of person in general (I think she even says at one point when she does hug Tobias that such a gesture is unusual for her). She'd be too reserved to sit on his lap, and he'd be too uncomfortable having her do so.

      All in all, their thing is not so much teen hormones as sticking near the one person whom each one feels accepts her/cares about him, so the idea of them passing time "making out somewhere" while waiting for the Andalite Council to receive them or for their friends to escape the blade ship in midair, seems a bit far-fetched. Also, Rachel doing anything as girly as making out with a guy, or Tobias doing anything that conveys human feeling to the degree of extended affectionate physical contact, seems a bit far-fetched.

    5. I think it's more of an ownership thing than being lovey.

    6. Okay...good to know I'm not the only one with a perverse view of that relationship.

  7. Oh, BTW, why do I get the feeling you really want to do something about the musical & touring career of "Baby goes to Z space?"

    1. If anyone does start a band with this name, please let me know so I can buy all your merchandise.

      Alternatively: ADAM PUT SOME MERCH IN THE SHOP

    2. I will work on a logo idea.

    3. I would buy that.

    4. Nommer of Dementors the Dementor Eater (also the Redundant Scribe of Redundancy)July 3, 2012 at 8:31 AM

      A baby zooming through the stars with the name on top in Star Wars font? IDK.

  8. There'd be an awesome spinoff series in this for anyone with the time to write it. I can see it now... 'Baby Goes to Z-Space' performing live on the Iskoort homeworld; Marco in gorilla morph on the drums, Cassie in a great big tank doing backup vocals as a humpback, Jake gets lead guitar by virtue of being Fearless Leader, Tobias is in human morph with a saxophone, because he always seemed like a jazz kid to me, and Ax has latched onto something really weird like an accordion, insisting that it is clearly the best Earth instrument. Rachel is screaming her soul out while playing an electric guitar, then at the end she turns into an elephant and trashes the stage BECAUSE SHE WOULDN'T BE RACHEL IF SHE DIDN'T. They have their own badass ship, Toby is their manager, while they're not performing they kill time by toppling corrupt alien dictatorships, and on the second weekend of every month they go on safari with Esplin because, let's face it, his life would have no meaning without them anymore.

    P.S. Nice conclusion; hoping to see more Emiki 255/Sia Ren in future stories!

    1. I like to think they all became friends. It took a while to forgive Visser Five, but she's pretty chill so eventually they made up.

      I was going to go into Emiki's backstory, but I had to cut it because it just distracted too much from the main stories. So it's gonna be in the Controller Chronicles instead.

      Oh yeah guys I'm doing The Controller Chronicles too.

    2. I just realized that I will never be free of this fandom. Halp.

    3. We will never let you go because you are our friend and we love you lots and lots and if you ever try to run away we will find you.

    4. I like the idea of the Animorphs being friends with the villains after a peace conference.

      The Visser Three/One moment I liked best in the whole series was when they cornered him on the bridge of the Pool ship at the end, and he's just going "Oh well, guess I lose," and pretty much resigned to, and accepting of, that fact and almost bantering with them. Like they've been each others' nemeses for so long they are kind of bound together. I would have loved to see one of the Animorphs toss him a "Congratulations on the promotion, BTW," during one of their encounters after he became Visser One.

      And if they had obtained a negotiated peace, I could totally see Esplin being way more sympathetic to the Animorphs than with his own Council who would start cracking down on his fun, and given all the serious war-issues KAA dumped on the kids' heads afterwards, I also think that maybe some of them, like Jake, Tobias or Rachel, might identify more with their one-time enemies - but fellow combatants - than with the clueless civilian humans they are now surrounded by. Marco has the intellectual flexibility to do so as well. They'd all end up in some Skrit Na bar somewhere, reminiscent of the Mos Eisley cantina talking about that time they ALMOST nailed him with the cheetahs, and wasn't that Garatron inspector an asshole? Oh, and hey, Visser, you remember those monkeys who threw poop at you and you ordered them killed? That was US! Visser One, v.1? Yeah, what a bitch! Too bad you had such a shitty superior officer. I mean, she LET US GO!? We wouldn't have lasted two days, if we had to deal with a boss like that, man... And Esplin would admit that yeah, in hindsight the grape juice incident was kind of funny, or that thing with Helmacrons sucked big time, and what did they ever do with that little shit David? Wait, an Andalite Port-a-potty? Are you KIDDING?!?

      In fact, if I had to re-write the last book (assuming I can't switch out Rachel's & Ax's fates to Cassie & Marco), I'd have totally found someway to make Esplin 9466 (prime or both) go along with the Animorphs on their Heart of Darkness trip looking for Ax. I'd have had Menderash go brain-dead or something, and they need someone capable of handling the morphing powers as well as the Animorphs, with experience handling an Andalite body, so they release Esplin from lame-ass UN jail and put him in the now-defunct body to take the place of the missing Animorphs. This blog/fanfic has only reinforced that idea, because of the whole Visser Three = Cassie meme, so yeah, he'd totally be my choice to fill in for her lame ass.

      Damnit. This site is a bad, bad thing. It is making a bunch of people revive and reinforce our dormant attachments to a ten-year-old series. There are no doubt, right now, people who were born after The Invasion was published, but are older than the characters were in that book. We are sad.

    5. This ending made me fell warm and fuzzy. Your outwrote applegate and her legion on ghostwriters. Ifi has achieved fanfic divinity. Worship her.

      I actually think, baby goes to Z space would be a better name for a song than a band. We need a shorter name and some other songs that sound like we were guzzling brain bleach when we wrote them.

    6. DAMMIT! Now I have "Bonzo goes to Bitburg" bouncing around in my brain, with "Baby goes to Z-space" substituted for lyrics!! Please stop.

      For a band name, I have no clue, but "Idiot Teenagers with a Death Wish" (Marco's original subtitle for Animorphs) would make a good album title.

      Other phrases we could use for various things:
      "Morphing Outfit" {band name, song, album}
      "Andalite Blues" {song, album}
      "Singing the Azures" {guest vocals by the Ellimist}
      "Morphing's Never Pretty" {song}
      "Termite Queen" {teenage rebellion song about non-conformity & avoiding the grown-up rat race}
      "Do You Just Hate Trash Cans?" {album}
      "Saario Rip" {band name or song}
      "Escafil Device" {band name}
      "Two Hour Time Limit"
      "Tseer! Fwapp! Tseeew!"
      "Smiles With Just His Eyes" {cheesy love ballad}

      Also, they'd have to start off every show with Rachel saying "Let's do it!" and at some point Marco would say "Are you inSANE?!" and the crowd would all scream and throw undergarments on the stage.

    7. Idiot Teenagers With a Death Wish would be an ***excellent*** album title. I'd say that "Morphing Outfit" would be a better name for their record label.

      More song titles:

      "Acquisition Trance"
      "That Time We Burned the Mansion Down"
      "Horribilus" (song with vocals by Rachel about how much she loves the grizzly morph)
      "A Single Butterfly"
      "Hey, Look, They Ripped Out My Guts Again" (country song with vocals by Marco)
      "Rise To the Stars" (morning ritual set to music)
      "Enos Emarf" (weird electronic piece with no lyrics)

      Also, am I the only one who saw "Morphing's Never Pretty" and immediately followed it up in my mind with "... but it's necessary?"

    8. Oh my god oh my god

      you guys

      I love you

      I love you so much

    9. We love you too Ifi. We love you too.

      Song title.

      "All the cinnamon bunz-uh." as a parody of all the single ladies.

      Termite queen would parody Mississipi Queen.

      Animal I've become does not need a single thing to be changed.

    10. "For a band name, I have no clue, but "Idiot Teenagers with a Death Wish" (Marco's original subtitle for Animorphs) would make a good album title."

      I agree. And the follow-up album could be "Dumb Kids Playing Hero" (from Book #25).U___U

      "Termite queen would parody Mississipi Queen."

      Or Dancing Queen.XD

      And, yeah, we love you too, Ifi.^^

    11. "Oh I wanna put on, my morphing suit. Oh yes I do."

    12. Luna the andiliteMay 4, 2013 at 10:10 PM

      ok, 2 things
      1. right now. make a crossover of Doctor who and Animophs.
      Rachel and the Doctor would have an argument on bow ties and fezzes. XD
      2. name a song "Jesus Whale" and maybe one line could be:
      "And his kid is a time lord brain surgeon!"
      btw that line what hilarious.
      "Cassie is the time lord brain surgeon child of Jesus Whale"

    13. For what it's worth, the first time I heard "I Believe I Can Fly", I thought of Tobias.

  9. Rachel, Ax, and Edriss are alive at the end of the war in this fanfiction. I want to cry with happy.

    I can't wait to see the CYOA XD

  10. Ifi, this was such an incredible fic. I'm glad I found the blog just in time to catch the end of it. Can't wait for your future endeavors.

  11. Speaking as someone who cried upon completing "The Beginning", I can say without a doubt that this story surpasses the canon ending by a considerable margin.

    It started off as a perhaps not too exaggerated parody, but it quickly became almost indistinguishable from the series itself. The difference is, where the series ended with "War is Hell, so everyone's really sad", it became "War is Hell. Let's do something else."

    It's gut-bustingly hilarious, but it's also... rather profound and fits into the series' themes nicely. KA herself once said "You have to decide whether life is a tragedy or a comedy. I chose comedy."

    Visser Five was an excellent character who didn't feel phoned in at all, and Visser One's and Eva's relationship was just amazing all around.

    All in all, this is probably the golden standard to which fanfic should be held.

  12. Ifi, this was amazing. I absolutely loved it. I can't type up a proper review right now, but THANK YOU!! :D

    Also, Eva/Edriss is my favorite, too! To the point where my license plate reads "VISSER1" :D

    I will leave a better comment when I'm not on my phone.

    P.S. So I...I kinda ship V3/V1 feels wrong...but so right... :o

    1. :D Thanks for your comment! Is that srsly your plate? I require photographs or I will never be happy again.

      V3/V1 is a silly pairing, but it is tons of fun because they're both such dynamic characters. In the book, their interactions are always so hilarious. Even in the face of danger, they always manage to find time to insult each other.

      I think it was book 30 where they mutually arrested each other?

    2. I shall take a picture, then :D

      Yeah, the end of book 30 was essentially:

      "I have a Blade ship!"
      "Well I have an Empire-Class NOVA SHIP!"
      "NO FAIR! I'm arresting you!!"

      Much like how it's very fun whenever Tobias, Ax, and Marco team up, it's always a blast when Vissers One and Three are in the same room. Hilarity and awesomeness always ensues.

  13. Pfft. What is this crap? We are SOOOO all about "The Other Attack" now.

    1. I know right? What drunken idiot even wrote this thing?

  14. This confirms it. I’ve had this theory for a while, and now I know for sure:

    Ifi = KA Applegate!!

    No, really. It all makes sense. Ten years later, KA decided she missed the Animorphs characters. She wanted to go back and write those characters some more, but just for fun, unofficially, because, you know. Stress. Publishers. Deadlines. Ghostwriters. Crazy, pestering fans in their late teens and 20s. I mean, really, who wants to deal with all that?

    It totally explains why this is so good and hilarious and totally seems like some crazy-yet-plausible thing that could have happened in the actual series. And come on, have you ever heard/read KA speaking as herself? She’s full of self-deprecating humor, witty jokes, creativity bordering on insanity… basically KAA = Ifi!! The whole pink robot/college senior thing is just a clever cover story.

    1. Wait, so I've been friends with KA Applegate for years now, and I wasn't even aware of it?

      I...I feel so lied to...

    2. Nommer of Dementors the Dementor Eater (also the Redundant Scribe of Redundancy)July 3, 2012 at 8:38 AM

      Yes. Ifi is definitely KAA. DEFINITELY. And the criticizing thing is just a way for her to look back on her work and laugh at the horrible "canon" the ghostwriters did.

    3. Nommer of Dementors the Dementor Eater (also the Redundant Scribe of Redundancy)July 3, 2012 at 3:43 PM

      Wait... if that's true... KAA ships V1/V3... I AM NOT SURE ABOUT THIS. BUT IT BE EXCELLENT THEORY.

  15. I dont get the epilogue :(
    Who the fuck is Peter?


  16. Oh jeez Imma cry, that was such a good fanfic it's a bit sad to see it end. It's going on the top of the Best FF Ever list.

    Amazing, awesome, marvelous, glorious, stupendous, other things ending in ous, and all around good job.
    Thank you for writing this!

  17. I am now considering naming my electronica project Baby Goes to Z-Space. And having all my songs about Animorphs.

    For the record, I normally play metal, but this is just for fun.



  19. I just found this fic today thanks to tv tropes crackfics page and I have to say, the whole thing was incredible. I am ashamed to admit that I had completley forgotten that the Animorphs, the first non picturebooks that I read by myself, even existed, and even more ashamed that the farthest I got into the series was book twenty-something. Even though it has been over a decade since reading the books, your magnificent story brought back memories and has inspired me to actually aquire and read the entire series as soon as possible. I salute you.

  20. Oh, why is Tobias curious about morphing during pregnancy? Awnser: RACHEL AND TOBIAS COUPLE

  21. IDK, but in this version, i wouldnt have minded dateing v3

  22. “Question,” said Tobias. “Speaking of babies. What would happen if a woman was pregnant and she morphed something?”

    Also, I am going to link to this website on my favorite site.

  23. I once wrote a fan fiction where Rachel is expecting Tobias's eggs. I am a horrible writer compared to you.

  24. Why is ifi-fics blog permission required? This fic was great and I want more. :(

  25. I want to read more but it says you have to be invited. Um, how can I make this happen? Can I please be invited?

  26. I just re-read this story and it's awesome! I would really like to be able to read "The Other Attack" but unfortunately every time I try the link for it, I get an error message "This blog is open to invited readers only". Any idea what's up with that? Would you be willing to invite me so that I can read it, please?